Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Spiritual Loneliness

I spoke with a man once who described to me how him and his wife had been hurt by a Christian organization. Both had been through the ringer emotionally. Curiously, he responded by moving closer to God but his wife moved away from Him. This created a terrible feeling which he coined as "spiritual loneliness." His spiritual intimacy with his wife had been lost and he was grieving it immensely. I often think back to this conversation and reflect on this seldom spoken about marriage topic.

Spiritual loneliness is almost a sure thing when it comes to marriage. At some point you will experience it and for some couples it is mostly the norm. For couples where one person is a non-believer then it is even more felt. Sometimes spiritual loneliness is a result of powerful expectations about one's spouse and how that it disconnected from reality. Different people have different sacred pathways (or ways of connecting with God) and this can be challenging to understand and accept.

Everyone goes through periods of dry spells, doubt, and putting God on the shelf. I'm sorry but it's true. If you haven't experienced it yet you will. Life's challenges, changes, and adjustments often are shown in the fragility of our faith. And this fragility affects the marriage in powerful ways which can certainly includes spiritual loneliness.

For better or for worse includes spiritual loneliness. How to cope with it? Some try to shame their spouse, guilt them, or manipulate them. Others depress or become anxious. And some manage to persevere. Any thoughts on this topic? I want to do a speak on it someday and I'd appreciate hearing from anyone on their experiences or advice.

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