Chicken Parm Theory

I was thinking today about how much you can learn about someone by watching what they order at a restaurant. Some people find something they like and then order it every time they go out to eat. For instance, at Olive Garden some people just love the chicken parmiginia. So everytime they come in, they look over the menu and then choose the chicken parm. Often this really bugs the other people who know them well. "Why," they groan, "do you always get the same thing? Why don't you try something different?" Usually the person responds with something like "I don't want to try something else, I know what I like!" Maybe you are this kind of person.

So here's my theory. Just like people with high sensation seeking impulses are usually more prone to relational break up, I wonder if people who eat the same thing every time they eat out are more prone to relational loyalty? Think about it, they find something they like and they stick to it. This could be one helpful litmus test for loyalty in a potential mate! If your boyfriend/girlfriend gets the same thing everytime you eat . . . they're probably a keeper. Because if they really like you, they'll stick to you and be loyal to you (just like their dinner). If they show this same unwavering loyalty in several areas (cars, chocolate bars, political parties, etc) then their propensity for loyalty should be even higher.

I must be tired to be thinking of stuff like this.

May Light increase!

Steak Date

(Thanks to Jay for filling in for me yesterday. I am not nearly "better" yet, but I'm doing better. Thanks to anyone who prayed for me).

Tonight Jobina and I went on a date to The Keg. Someone had given us a gift card for Christmas and we decided that we finally needed to put it to use! Wow, can they do steak right. Seriously, my 12 ounce, medium rare "baseball sirloin" was incredible. We even shared a dessert (Billy Miner Pie) which was nice and light but with both subtle and intense flavors. We got there at a little after 6pm and it was already packed and we had to wait for 30 minutes. Nice atmosphere there and unlike some of the other trendy restaurants ( cough, cough, Moxie's, Earls?) the female waitresses don't dress like women of the night. We had a great time.

Like usual, I had a very difficult time choosing what I would eat. When it comes to ordering at a restaurant I often get analysis paralysis. Will I like that? Does it justify the cost? What am I really craving? Am I being daring enough? Yeah it's sad. Sometimes an analytical nature is not a good thing. It's the same with deciding where we should spend the final two days of our vacation in Belize. I need to know everything! And even then, I can't decide. I don't know how Jobina has patience with me. Yet she just smiles and pretends that it's not really that maddening. Basically, I'm just lucky.

Speaking of restaurants I saw an Argentinian restaurant just off of St. Mary's today, anyone tried that place (or had Argentinian food in general)?

May Light increase!

JBo Knows: Pre-Marital Counseling, Part 1

Good day, gentle blogger. As you may recall, after Mark wrote a post about pre-marital counseling, I offered to write about my experiences in pre-marital counseling since I was about to undergo the program. He also told me that when I was ready to post about it, I was to log in and post away. So if you want to take the day off to keep healing from your recent sickness Mark, I've got you covered!

Last night was actually the second time Sarah (my fiance, naturally) and I had met with our counselor. I didn't write an article about the first meeting as it was pretty uneventful; in truth, it was more of a fact-finding mission for the therapist, which makes sense since she needs to know what to talk about!

So yesterday evening we drove into the city and, after a stop-off to see Sarah's recently-returned-from-Phoenix parents, we went to our session. We waited a few minutes for our therapist to come and get us, which is normal. When she came out front she looked at us with a rather confused look; it seems that when she called me to book the appointment, she didn't write it down, or erased it somehow. Considering we had just driven over an hour and a half on a work night to come in, we weren't pleased. Our options were to reschedule, or wait until 9:15 and finish around 10:45 (remember the hour and a half drive home). We decided we were already there so we may as well just do the session late.

So after killing some time at McDonald's, we went back to find the exterior doors locked. No big, the therapist said she'd come get us if we got locked out. While we were waiting some people were leaving the building, so we thought "Great, we can get in". The woman exiting the building would not let us in and it took some convincing to make her stand aside (I had a fleeting thought that if I really wanted to get in she really couldn't stop me, but that would be a much bigger can of worms!). Once we were inside we discovered she had alerted security to our presence, so he came in to check with the therapist that we actually had an appointment. I know he was just doing his job, but I was getting a little annoyed at everyone looking at me like I was a criminal!

Anyway, we finally got our session started at 9:30. Our therapist, I'm not going to give out her real name but let's call her Aretha, cause I like that name, brought out copies of our Prepare exam results. For those unaware, the Prepare exam is a multiple choice quiz we had to do before our second counseling session; we had to do the quiz separately. The point is for the couple to answer honestly separately from each other, and then discuss the results in the session.

Anyway, Aretha pulls out our results, and she gets a very surprised looked on her face, and makes several surpised noises as she quickly flips through. Naturally, our first reaction was "Uh-oh, that's not good!" It turned out that Aretha was shocked at how postive our results were; on a graph charting different marriage types and the percentage of typical answers, we were literally off the chart in one or two aspects.

Now, you at home may be thinking that we cheated, that's why our answers matched up so well. I can't really blame you for thinking that, because we had almost considered answering together, but we decided that no, if we were going to do pre-marital counseling, we may as well do it right.

So we went through the survey results, painfully slow at some points. Aretha went over every answer very thoroughly, seeing how we matched up. We kind of felt that she could have spent a little less time telling us how old we were and that we were both caucasion, but whatever.

We went through 10 different areas of a marriage (thinks like communication, conflict resolution, marriage expectations, etc) and picked a few to discuss. We also picked some to discuss next time. The process is pretty logical.

What did we get out of it? Honestly, not very much. Why? Because we've already talked about all of the issues that were in the Prepare, most of them before we even took the test. Sarah and I are both pretty logical people, and we know things aren't always going to be rainbows and skittles. I knew within 2 months of dating Sarah that I wanted to marry her, but I made myself wait to propose because I wanted a stronger relationship first, and I'm glad I did.

For those who haven't discussed things ahead of time, I think the Prepare system is pretty good, and the counseling would be very beneficial. We have one more session to go yet, so we'll see what we take home from that. I really hope I'm in bed before 1:30 next time though.

Keep your stick on the ice!

-- Jay Boaz

I'm Sick

Last night I didn't sleep at all, instead I battled a fever that seemed to come out of nowhere. Also, I feel nauseous and have a terrible headache. Please pray for me! Thanks!

Reparative Therapy?

I was at school today and dropped off some assignment stuff in one of my professor's offices. He happened to be in and was reading about the unfortunate case of a counselor who was recently found guilty of sexually abusing his client while engaged in reparative therapy. Reparative therapy (also known as conversion therapy) can mean mean several things but usually it is referred to as a formal attempt to change a person's sexual orientation -- typically from homosexual to heterosexual. Usually a client will come in claiming they are gay, but don't want to be and ask the counselor to help change them.

Here is where the problem lies. Many conservative Christians individuals, therapists, ministries, and groups believe that homosexual behavior is abnormal, unnatural, chosen and sinful. They promote reparative therapies as helpful and safe techniques to "cure" homosexuality. Homosexuality is seen as an behavior/action and a choice.

On the other side almost all secular mental health professionals, human sexuality researchers and religious liberals accept that a homosexual orientation is normal and natural for a minority of people. They believe that sexual orientation cannot be changed, that is an orientation. They generally believe that both heterosexual and homosexual behavior can be either sinful or not, depending upon the circumstances. They regard these therapies to be non-productive, unethical, and potentially dangerous.

As you could guess there is strong enmity between these two groups! My professor was telling me his opinion, he believes that reparative therapy is unethical and ineffective. Since research has shown that it is pretty much impossible to change someone's sexual orientation, he instead focuses Christian homosexuals on first accepting their orientation and then he helps them to get rid of their homosexual behavior (become celibate/not practicing). Yet, he also prays for them that there would be a miracle and be "healing." He believes this is the most Christian response we can have to this difficult issue. It was a very interesting conversation.

I am not sure where I am on the topic. I agree with the research; besides the occasional "case study" there is pretty much no clinical evidence of being able to change people's basic sexual attraction once it is established. This is not just for homosexuality but for other sexual preferences (paedophilia for example). On the other hand it is difficult to accept that the dark reality that God has made some people with a genetic predisposition to homosexuality. Why would God do that (although why would he do it with other mental illnesses that lead a person to break ethical commandments)? I want to believe that there is some way to help those with homosexual desires but desperately not want them. I want to believe that there is way to help them. The church has so far been very good at condemning homosexual behavior/desires, but done horribly at ministering to those who are experiencing it. The question isn't whether or not people change their sexual preferences (or some would say; orientation) because the evidence is obvious that they do. The question is whether reparative therapy can bring about that change.

If you are interested in this subject, I suggest you try the links above to get more information on the topic (especially the one on reparative therapy as it does a good job of presenting the issue from a mostly non-judgmental viewpoint. After that, feel free to weigh in! Just please be respectful . . .

May Light increase!

Wedding Vows

I'm kind of a romantic and I like weddings. Weddings inspire me. The vows at a wedding are always kind of a holy moment and I found this video showing some pretty cool ones. What do you think; beautiful, cheezy, insincere, idealistic? You may have to turn up the volume on your computer, but if you have a few minutes, maybe it will inspire you in your own marriage (or your future one).



(Here's the Video Link if you have problems viewing it)

May Light increase!

Love and Helplessness

Our little girl Trinity is sick. Last night she coughed for much of the night and it was my turn to get up with her when she called out. For any of you who are parents out there, seeing your child ill and not being able to do anything about it has to be one of the most heart-wrenching things in the world. You feel so helpless and frantic to help them and yet . . . there is almost nothing you can do. You can try to give them medication, encourage them, pray for them, cry . . . but mostly you just feel ineffective. Last night was really tough because whenever Trinity would cough (this intense, harsh, grating cough) I would wake up and feel my heart breaking for her. Then I would think of how my friends Ray and Martha must have felt as their daughter Renee slowly fell victim to leukemia. Actually I tried to imagine it, but I couldn't. Mostly because I have never had to face such a thing but also because I wouldn't let myself fully imagine it. Too painful to seriously consider. Their pain at watching their little girl . . . well, it must have been off the charts. I know one thing; it feels like a father's job to protect his child from all harm. But sometimes there is nothing we can do - and it's devastating. You'd do anything to help them get better - but it's not in your hands. And so you sit there. Useless and hurting.

In Trinity's case, the illness will just have to run it's course, Ray and Martha were not so fortunate. I wonder what God the Father must have felt as he watched his Son slowly die on the cross? In the Father's case, he could have done something, but he chose not to. For the greater good. He was not helpless. Again, I could not imagine what it was like. God the Father is a spiritual being and I know he doesn't have a body, but I wonder if you can have a spiritual lump in your throat. Or a spiritual sick feeling in your stomach. What does anguish feel like for the creator of the universe?

Tonight, I'm sleeping the basement so I can hopefully get some sleep. I can still hear her, but at least it's not so loud. Renee was buried today and I am praying for some sleep and peace for the Dueck's this week. Please pray for them as well.

Going To Renee's Memorial

Tonight Jobina and I went to a memorial service in Winnipeg for Renee, our 24 year old friend who recently died of leukemia. I must say that it was tough. I went in feeling kind of numb but quickly I got pretty emotional. Some miscellaneous highlights for me:

-This really cool slideshow that Kara made of Renee's photography to song by Mindy Smith called "Come To Jesus." The song is amazing and paired with Renee's photos it was (in my mind) a kind of holy space.

-"The Prayer of St. Patrick" (one of my favorite of all prayers) was in an abridged form in the bulletin. If I had to choose only one prayer to pray again, this would be it.

-Listening to people tell stories of Renee's artistic abilities and what she accomplished in just 23 years of life was astounding. She's done over seas missions, written and produced several plays, toured with a drama team in the U.S., taken a semester of Bible College, etc, etc. Though her life was short, it was jam packed with making a difference and exploring her many gifts and abilities.

-I don't know how they did it, but Renee's parents (Ray and Martha) were somehow able to pull it together. I would have been a complete mess. Their strength and faith astounded me.

-The speakers from YWAM challenged me powerfully about several things, but I am still processing them and can't really discuss them right now.

I'm emotionally and physically spent. And I'm so sad about this beautiful person I was lucky enough to know and how her life was cut so short. As a Dad, I can't image what it would be like but it makes me want to spend all the time I can with my kids. You never know how long anyone has . . . we need to reach out to them while we can. Funerals are like that for me, they remind me what is really important. I just wish I didn't always forget again afterwards.

May Light increase!