It's all about . . .

I don't think this video needs much introduction or explanation. I'm curious to know people's gut reaction to it though.

May Light increase!

The Stuff of Dreams

In my two years of school I have heard several different points of view about dreams. One of my profs believes that dreams are a path to the unconscious, that they reflect our deepest fears and desires, that they are symbolic to the issues we are dealing in with life, etc. He uses dream interpretation as part of his counseling and believes that almost all dreams are significant in some way.

I have another professor who thinks that dreams are the minds way of recycling ideas and events of the recent past, that they occasionally reflect our fears/desires but for the most part aren't significant to our waking lives. Unless they were brought up in session, he would never inquire about them. And if they were shared he would be very hesistant to assign/interpret any meaning to them.

I probably lean more to the recycling bin idea and would like to let things stay there. Unfortunately, I suspect I have had dreams that were either spiritually or mentally reflective of something . . . important. Sharing one's dreams can be tricky. I find that sharing a dream can be a very personal thing, especially if the dream is about something we don't usually like to share; ourselves attacking/killing someone, doing something sexually (that we feel is inappropriate), being afraid of something, choosing to do something that we usually wouldn't, etc. As a Christian it can feel problematic to be sinning in our dreams! I told the first professor about a recurring dream I had in high school where I was always running away from this wolf. He of course was very interested! Finally one night, the dream changed and I never had it again. I wrote a poem about how the dreams finally ended and shared it with him (forgive the high school morbidness, overdramatic prose, lack of proper rhyme, etc.):

Lobo

Treading lightly through the bramble,
As twilight quickly fled
The greyish trees cast their shadows,
And my spirit filled with dread
Homeward bound at a nervous pace,
Cursing the ill lit path
When the sound of terror incarnate,
Touched a twig and made it crack.

The moon was hidden in the Heavens,
As my vision swept the heights
Terror filled my searching eyes,
When they found him in the night
Two orbs of hellish blood red fire,
Marked his spot upon the way
Then his monstrous features came to me,
Great flanks and cloak of grey.

The demon spawn was known to me,
My deepest fear come true
He haunts my troubled slumber,
And stalks the dreamworld hue
Chasing me through my visions,
In his cruel unwavering gait
Countless nights awaking me,
With his laugh of blackish hate.

Throwing my burden to the ground,
My dagger is unsheathed
Tossing black mane he slowly sneered,
And bared his brutish teeth
Unholy white they seemed to shine,
As he let his spittle spill
Then with a jump of perfect poise,
He leapt in for the kill.

He knocked me down, raking my side,
With his white, angry claws
Madness gripped my frightened soul,
As his mouth began to gnaw
One limb raised to guard my throat,
The other gripped my dart
And then with a scream of bloody murder,
I stuck him through the heart.

With wounded speed the beast rolled away,
And watched as his life force bled
Then suddenly his frame went still,
And I knew that he was dead
Without glance back I staggered home,
Then dressed my wounds with time
No longer nights of fitless sleep,
Dreamless slumber would now be mine.

(c) Mark Westman, 1993

In the end it was facing and killing the wolf (instead of always running and waking up in a cold sweat) that I felt stopped the recurring dreams. Was it somehow tied to something that had happened in my real life? I'm not sure. Was I afraid of something? Was it a spiritual attack? Was my mind recalling something I'd read or seen on TV? I don't know. All I know is that I'm sure my prof was much more concerned about me then he used to be . . .

May Light increase!

Drawing Blood . . .

Today I went in to get something checked out at a walk in clinic and they asked me to get some tests done. One was to get a urine sample (seriously, is there anything more embarrassing to announce in a crowded waiting room? Oh yeah there is, when she asked me to collect stool samples over the next few days!) and they also wanted to take some blood. I hadn't planned on giving any blood that day, but I thought I'd better go along with it. Anyway, the student (alarm bells, alarm bells!) told me I had "nice veins" and then proceeded to take out 3 large vials of my precious red stuff. It didn't actually hurt very much but it took him a long time to come back and left me just sitting their waiting. Somehow, I started not feeling right and when I went back to the lab waiting area I was feeling a little queasy and light headed. One of the nurses told me I was looking a little green and asked me if I would like some water. I said yes and put my head between my knees. . .

I actually don't remember that happening. I remember music (the radio?), feelings of peace, and various thoughts about my life and then all of a sudden I heard several voices asking me if I was OK. Then I realized that my eyes were closed and that I was very tired and sluggish. I slowly opened my eyes to find a concerned looking medical team all around me. They had put a pillow behind my head, a cold cloth on my neck, and a "puke" pail beside me. I guess I had passed out.

After a minute or so, I sheepishly convinced them I was OK and they left me with some water and my puke pail to await the next test (an EKG test). In truth, I felt great, like I had just had a very long and relaxing sleep. I felt curious and peppered the nurses with questions. I found out that I had only been unconscious for a few moments, that I had shaken a little (which apparently is common), and that I had been talking to the nurse up until the second I passed out. I wish I could have seen it! I'm not sure why I passed out - I think it had something to do with the unfamiliar feeling of having something foreign stuck into my body. I'm not really afraid of needles.

Anyway, the dream like state I was in seemed different then the previous times I had passed out (over a decade ago) and was what interested me the most. It seemed so . . . nice actually. I had sweet, vivid dreams in those moments but sadly can't remember any of them. I look forward to giving blood again soon! It felt quite therapeutic . . .

May Light increase!

I did it . . . eBay

Tonight I spent several hours trying to figure out how to sell a couple of things on eBay. I've realized that is takes a lot of know how to be able to produce a really nice listing (and a lot of patience too - my rage erupted a few times in a way that is not at all healthy). Selling on eBay is kind of scary. Hopefully people will see past my horrible pictures and akward descriptions and buy my old junk (I mean stuff) out of pity. Hardest to sell is my GPS. It really is the cutest little GPS, I feel like I'm selling a family friend. I've decided that although its amazing I don't really need it. Saying goodbye will be very difficult, I can already feel myself grieving its loss. Parting is such sweet sorrow. . .

May Light increase!

Is Depravity The Genesis of Art?

Lately I've been thinking about art. A few days ago I watched part of a documentary on Paris after the World War I. It was in a series called "Cities of Sin" or something like that. The documentary was showing how a large group of the most influential artists of that time period lived in Paris because of it's "anything goes" approach to morality. You name it, the Parisians did it. It was kind of like an European cross between Disneyland and Babylon. The documentary hypothesized how the Parisian spirit of tolerance and experimentation were the fertile (no pun intended) ground of the artistic revolution of that time.

This got me thinking, is depravity and lack of morality the beginning of art? Or at least truly creative art? Growing up as an evangelical Christian there seems to be a lot of evidence of this. How much original "Christian art" truly exists? I suppose it may exist, but it certainly isn't mainstream. It only takes a cursory look through a Christian bookstore to see that almost everything artistic in it is a sanitized copy of something secular. Music, books, movies, am I missing anything?

Truly creative art seems to by its definition be boundary pushing and against the status quo. I worry that either we have forgotten how to be creative as Christians or even worse . . . that artistic creativity and Christian faith or antithetical to each other. I of course don't want this to be true and hope that maybe some artists out there can set me straight. What do you think?

New Tolkien Book Out!

Good news for all of the Tolkien fans out there. How has Tolkien done this since he is dead you ask? Christopher Tolkien (JRR Tolkien's grandson) has edited the manuscript of a previously unpublished work called The Children of Hurin. If you've read The Silmarillion, you may remember them mentioned there. Anyway, if you are thinking of buying it, why not buy it through my new online Bookstore? Check out the "Random Enlightenment Bookstore" link below my personal profile on the side. Partnering with Amazon.ca, I've started an "aStore" to highlight some of my favorite books and allow others to purchase them if they wish. Is this shameless commercialism? Um, maybe! How the aStore works is that if anyone buys a book from my store, I get a small percentage of the profits. So yeah, if you plan to buy any of these books, buy them through my site and help out a student! And if you have ideas on books I should add, let me know.

May Light Increase!

Book Review: Hood

Hood (496 pages) is a historical piece of fiction by one of my favorite authors, Stephen Lawhead, the first volume in the new "King Raven Trilogy." At first glance it appears to be just another retelling of the classic Robin Hood tale, but Lawhead has changed things up. Instead of the 12 century, England, Hood's setting is 1093 AD in Wales. King Brychan ap Tewdwr and his war band have been slaughtered by the hated Norman invaders and his kingdom take away. Of the royal family only the king's worthless son Bran has been left alive. The prince has been following his own pursuits and not the duties of his responsibilities. What is he to do?

I really enjoyed the themes that were developed in the book, especially those of justice and responsibility. Hood is the tale of a self centered young man who must make some serious choices that effect not only his life but the lives of those who come to depend on him for their very existence. Faith is woven into the story in a way that is natural. Most of the time, while reading the book I was unaware that I was reading the classic tale of Robin Hood as the plot/intrigues were so unique and the characters so well developed. Though not quite as good as his classic Byzantium, this is easily Lawhead's best work in several years. I highly recommend it, 4.3 ninja stars out of 5.

The Johari Window

"Johari's Window" was one of the favorite games that we played at camp (my youth group liked it a lot too). The game involves spitting up the field into 4 quadrants, each with a stash of items and a team. The four teams then have to steal items from other quadrants while defending the items in their own quadrant. We discovered the game about 7 years ago and renamed it after the famous Johari Window which was part of our LiMiT team development training.

The Johari Window model of interpersonal processes (sometimes refered to as the "windows of growth") was developed by psychologists Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham:

The theory is that in order to grow, we need to open our windows. To do this, one needs to take part in two important processes; feedback and self disclosure. To increase others understanding of you, you need to engage in self disclosure to expose one's hiddeness (or mask). To decrease one's blind spots one needs to receive feedback, information for growth that you are not aware of.

We can all benefit from sharing more of ourselves with others (the health benefits are enormous) and caring enough to share feedback with others. For a more of detailed explanation of Johari's window go here. And to try your very own Johari Window, go here.

May Light increase!