I'm Not Loving It

Random life stuff: Today Jobina and I got home and both decided that we should just go out for dinner (no one felt like making anything). So we had to make a decision; where to eat? Jobina and I thought that we'd rather go somewhere fast - maybe Subway? The kids choice: McDonald's. It's almost always McDonald's for them. Sigh, curse you McDonald's with your billions spent on laser-like marketing to kids! As a compromise I told them that we'd go to McDonald's but that this would be the last time for a long time. Slowly, we've been trying to wean them off their taste for it, but alas, it is usually still their first choice. Maybe I should get them to watch "Supersize Me."

Anyway, against my better judgment we went. I can see why kids like it so much; playland and Happy Meals - what other fast food place can compete? Seriously, McDonald's knows how to attract kids. If Subway only had playland, think how life might change! Instead, we ended up at the golden arches, thinking about how yucky we'd feel inside after our visit.

The kids had no problems there but for Jobina and I it's daunting. We are still getting off our meatless diet and leery of the effects of eating meat. Afterwords (as usual) I felt gross after eating there but at least my stomach wasn't in pain. It didn't help that I found some "McGristle" in my McChicken burger! It's remarkable though, you really do feel different eating meat (not in good ways) when you haven't in a while. I'm not sure if we are still just experiencing the "halo effect" from going meatless for a month, but meat is certainly rarely craved now. We are eating a lot more vegetables. And I think I feel quite a bit better on days when I keep the meat to a minimum (or don't eat any at all).

Well, the kids liked going there at least. One of them even thanked God for us going in their evening prayers. I guess that's something!

Music To My Ears

I have been told there are two kinds of people; those who spend more on music and those who spend more on books. I'm firmly in the latter category. I would guess I spend an average of about $10 per year on music - not a lot! I don't want to even think about how much I spend on books. Basically, that's to say that music is not that important to me. When I was a teenager and college student I did listen to a fair amount but it was never high on my list of things to do.

On Tuesday I was headed out of town to a BCBC board meeting and I uncharacteristically grabbed my iPod. Half way out to my destination (about 2 hours from my home) I remembered it, set it to shuffle, and started listening. I'm not sure why, but as I listened to songs I felt my soul stirring. Does that make sense? Basically by that I mean that I started thinking and feeling thoughts about my purpose in life, God, etc. I was thinking about transcendence, things outside of the material dimension but independent of it. I was hearing the spiritual meanings in the songs I was listening to and connecting with them. It felt good.

Occasionally some Christmas songs would come up. My first inclination was to skip them - most people who know me know of my struggle with the season - but I decided to give them a try anyway. To my surprise I found myself connecting deeply with several Christmas songs - the first time in a long time! I think that being able to reflect on the meaning of Christmas outside of the distraction of the season made the beauty and joy of Christ's birth finally available to me. I felt my heart soar as I listened to "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlement" by BNL and I savoured the words "Wise men still adore him" in some late 70's Christmas music from my childhood. It was wonderful. When I got to my meeting I felt like a different person, more in touch with my heart (and my heart for God) then I usually do. When someone shared some verses in a devotional thought at the beginning of the meeting, I savoured each word. I felt elated and thoughtful.

I listened to more music on the way home and even sang along sometimes - worshipping in a way that was so unusual for me. For the first time in many moons I felt God connecting with me (and I with Him) through music. I know that music will never be one of the more prominent ways that I will connect to Him, but for that one night it was gift that I will cherish the memory of. Faith is more then just intellectual assent to things, it is also emotional connection. I think that for me music can be a powerful way to that emotional side. I want my faith to be intellectual and emotionally strong and I was reminded that night how necessary both are to my soul. Anyway, these are just some random thinking I had a few nights ago.

Quote Of The Day

I love this:

"When you blame others, you give up your power to change."
-Robert Anthony

P.S. The image is "Blame Game 3" by artist Donny Hood.

Piracy Justification

(Click on image to enlarge)

Happiness Tip: Stop Watching So Much TV!

A recent, 30 year study at the University of Maryland confirms it: The more TV you watch, the less happy you probably are. So what do the happy people do with their spare time: they read or socialize. Some of the major findings:

-Self-described "very happy people" were more socially active, attended more religious services, voted more and read more newspapers. By contrast, unhappy people watched significantly more television in their spare time.

-According to the study's findings, unhappy people watch an estimated 20 percent more television than very happy people, after taking into account their education, income, age and marital status - as well as other demographic predictors of both viewing and happiness.

-The data also suggested TV viewing is "easy." Viewers don't have to go anywhere, dress up, find company, plan ahead, expend energy, do any work or spend money in order to view. Combine these advantages with the immediate gratification offered by television, and you can understand why Americans spend more than half their free time as TV viewers.

-Unhappy people were also more likely to feel that they have unwanted extra time on their hands (51 percent) compared to very happy people (19 percent) and to feel rushed for time (35 percent vs. 23 percent). Having too much time and no clear way to fill it was the bigger burden of the two.

-TV and addiction: The short, temporary pleasure of television can be likened to addiction: "Addictive activities produce momentary pleasure and long-term misery and regret," he says. "People most vulnerable to addiction tend to be socially or personally disadvantaged. For this kind of person, TV can become a kind of opiate in a way. It's habitual, and tuning in can be an easy way of tuning out."

We are currently without TV in our household, although we do watch a lot of movies and TV series on DVD. I think most of us are aware of the dangers of too much TV watching, yet we flirt with it anyway. It does have an addictive quality to it that we should not underestimate. Not that I think some TV watching is bad, but we should be careful with it. Especially if we know that it may directly impact our happiness. Interesting stuff!

Scheduling Fights

In solution focused therapy, one technique that is sometimes helpful with couples is called the scheduling fights task. The couple (usually prone to conflict) is told that they are only allowed to fight at certain times. For instance they may be allowed 2 hours on Wednesday night the first week, and 1 hour the next week. Often they are told to fight hard during these times but to avoid fighting any other time.

What is the point you may ask? First, it helps a couple to interrupt their old patterns of fighting, something they may sometimes feel is impossible to stop. But when they do this exercise they do find it is possible! The old cycle is broken and they now have the opportunity to try something new.

The second benefit is that one or both members of the couple see the process of fighting as something they can actually control. Many fighting couples come into therapy believing they can't help fighting and that the other person makes them fight. Yet when they start scheduling fights, they realize the can indeed control themselves (and thus their fighting) if they choose to. What at first seems inevitable and beyond control is not really so. They realize that fighting is not so inevitable after all.

By interrupting the old pattern and showing them that they can control one's actions, the myth of endless fighting is challenged. Paired with some other techniques, this task can be useful to help a couple wanting to change things, maybe it would be helpful for you?

Book Review: Holding Fast

Book Review: Holding Fast: The Untold Story of The Mount Hood Tragedy

I wasn't sure if I would make it through this book. After reading the first chapter or two I was struck by an incredibly strong desire not to continue reading! The book is all about a tragedy and as the story unfolded I began to feel a sense of dread about where it was going. Written by the wife of a climber who gets the news that her husband did not make it off the mountain, she writes honestly and openly enough that you feel right along with her. Usually a quick reader, I put the book down for a couple of weeks. This past weekend I picked it up again and forced myself to keep going with it. I was very glad I did.

Holding Fast is written by Karen James, the widow of a mountain climber Kelly James. The book is about the life of this amazing couple and the series of events that lead to a massive search and rescue effort on Mount Hood, looking for Kelly. What Karen and her children go through, the efforts of the searchers, and the response by family and friends make this a truly compelling story. Painful yes, but therapeutic as well. It is a book about letting go - on several levels. It would be difficult to not be inspired by the life of Kelly - he truly loved life but was not a prisoner to it. Like myself he found himself closest to God when outdoors. He is described as a man who loved hard, risked hard, and laughed hard - all traits I'd like to have more of. He seemed to have a good balance between fully enjoying this life and longing for the next.

Kelly's faith was a rock to his wife but she had to find her own faith in the aftermath of Kelly's death. The response by her friends and family and the powerful steps she took in the grieving process would be helpful for anyone going through grief (or wanting to know how to help those who are). How does one recover from terrible tragedy, when the thing you loved the most is taken from you? Karen seems to have found the answers to this painful question and the end result is hope for herself and those who read her story.

Most North American movies are the ones with happy endings, but if you read only such books, you are missing out on a major part of the human experience - overcoming suffering. I recommend this book to anyone interested in questions about life, suffering, faith, or anyone with a passion for the outdoors. Very readable, thought provoking, and real. 4 out of 5 ninja stars.

P.S. This was the first book I read through Thomas Nelson's free book review program for bloggers. Find out more about it here.

Meatless in Manitoba: Day 28 and beyond

OK, well my grand experiment is over. I went a whole month (even if it was the shortest month of the year) without any meat. As we speak Jobina is cooking our first meal with meat - tuna casserole. Honestly, I approach this meal with dread. First, because of how my stomach may react to the meat and secondly because I'm sad to abandon my experiment. It was a very cool experience. Yet now, just anticipating the meat, my stomach feels "off." Alas.

It's powerful to change one's routine, just for the sake of changing it. It reminds us that we are still captain's of our own destiny, that we truly can choose to do things that are against the norm. That's what this experiment was for me. Could I do it? The answer was yes, and I'd say it wasn't even that bad (giving up chocolate for a few months was much, much worse). Yes, I had the occasional cravings, but only when I was very hungry. I felt better (about 15-20%, depending on how healthy I ate) and felt less gluttonous, gross, overfilled, etc.

I am grieving the loss of my experiment and feel confused. I kind of want to continue it, kind of want to end it, and kind of want to do an even more radical experiment (whole foods vegan perhaps?). I became sincerely OK with not eating meat and it even became a little bit of my identity.

So what was it like? Basically it was like normal life - except without meat. Except for the banquet that I spoke at where we were offered prime rib, I didn't feel any significant social pressure anywhere. Because Jobina was on board I didn't have to even think much about changing my eating habits because she did most of the work (thanks Babe). Honestly, I probably thought about meat maybe once or twice a day, and that thought was usually fleeting. I dropped about 5 or 6 pounds which is nice (although unnecessary for me) and I think that if I'd eaten healthier that would have gone down even more. Besides feeling better, I'd say the best part was getting to eat some new delicious foods that we probably would not have tried unless we tried this crazy experiment. My favorites were pizza veggie subs, various curry dishes, lentils, and this shell thing. I also realized that I hate beans and never want to have them again! Thanks everyone for your interest, questions, encouragement, and questioning my masculinity - it was all part of the experience and much appreciated. If I decide to go back on the meatless thing (or go vegan for awhile), I'll be sure to post about it.

Jobina just send the boy downstairs to tell me dinner is ready. I must go . . .