How Much Do You Trust Yourself? And How Much Do Others Trust You?

"To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.”
-George MacDonald

An interesting exercise was offered in the pages of The Speed of Trust - take a free online trust test and see how you rate yourself. Then, if you dare, send an email out to a several people whom you know and get them to rate you in the different areas of trust. Everyone who does this does it anonymously and it only takes a few minutes.

So here's the question; I assume most people wouldn't mind doing the self test. But are you brave enough to do the 2nd part? Are you open enough to feedback to hear the truth about what people think about you? Before I give the link to the test, I'm curious to know . . .




I thought the feedback might be good and so I sent it out to between 15 and 20 people. This included family, friends, co-workers, bosses (or supervisors), ministry partners, etc. I tried to send it to people who I thought might trust me highly and those who might not. My results are below:

Personal Credibility Score & Report (this was my own rating of myself in the different trust areas):

Integrity: 83%
Intent: 63%
Capability: 83%
Results: 63%
Others Trust Me: 63%
Character: 73%
Competence: 73%

Personal Credibility Index: 70%

Here's What Others Say (the average of people who filled it out for me - thanks by the way if that was you!)

Character: 92%
Competence: 89%
Others Trust You: 94%
You Consistently Interact in a Way that Builds Trust: 92%
Your "Trustability" with Others: 92%

Aggregate (combination of personal and others) Personal Credibility Index: 82%

I enjoyed the exercise and I was a bit reassured to see that others thought of me as more trustworthy then I thought of myself, but I want to increase everything (especially competence) up higher. Seem like a good exercise? If you'd like to do it, the link to the website is below:

www.whotrustsyou.com

Openness and Teachability

For the past few days I have been thinking alot about trust as I read this excellent book (look for a later review). Part of being trustworthy (and trusting yourself) is having integrity. The author of the book I'm reading cites this story and says there are three things necessary for integrity to grow:

1. Make and keep commitments to yourself.
2. Stand for something.
3. Be open.

I'm thinking alot about the last one. Being open is synonymous with being teachable - are you truly humble and courageous enough to acknowledge that there are things you don't know?

This past summer I was amused by a little contest between my brother Tim and my son Riker. We were at Tim's cabin, sitting around the campfire when a bat flew by. Tim suggested that he and Riker have a contest (best of 5 questions wins) to see who knew more about bats. Tim had just watched a TV program about a certain kind of bat so he thought it would be pretty easy. Tim asked the first question and was surprised when Riker knew it. Then Riker stumped Tim. And when Tim asked the next question, Riker got it correct again. Finally, Tim in his exasperation asked Riker if knew the kind of bat that can fly over 100km an hour. Riker didn't know. "Ha, I got you," said my brother triumphantly, "the answer is Batman!" Needless to say my brother wasn't ready or willing to be taught by an 8 year old (just like I'm often not) but being open is an attitude that is not reserved for when we are around obvious experts. Billy Graham is famous for asking other people "Maybe you could teach me something about preaching better?" True humility is open and teachable - toward anyone.

If I am honest, brutally honest with myself, I'd say that my openness/teachability waxes and wanes dramatically. Sometimes I'm quite open to what others (friends, family, clients, authors) have to say and other times I'm not. Sometimes I'm not really listening to people, I'm just waiting so I can give my retort or get in my thoughts. Have you ever been in a "discussion" where it's just people taking turns sharing what they know but they aren't really interacting and learning? It's sad really. So, how does one evaluate one's openness? Steven M. R. Covey suggests a few questions to ask yourself:

-Do I believe that the way I see the world is totally accurate and complete - or am I honestly willing to listen and consider new viewpoints and ideas?

-Do I seriously consider differing points of view (from a boss, direct report, team member, spouse, or child), and am I willing to be influenced by them?

-Do I believe there may be principles that I have not yet discovered? Am I determined to live in harmony with them, even if it means developing new thinking patterns and habits?

-Do I value - and am I involved in - continual learning?


I'm going to try and review these questions every time I start "coasting" in my openness!

Real Accountability

"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another."
-Proverbs 27:17

I am convinced that men crave and need accountability but very few ever truly experience it. Accountability (my definition) is choosing to be real with someone and inviting them to consistently ask you tough questions about where you are at in your life, holding you to the standard that you ask to be held at.

Notice that my definition puts the onus on the one wanting accountability. Accountability forced on someone doesn't work long term. Real accountability must be embraced for it to work. When I meet with couples in premarital counselling I will ask them where things are at in their physical relationship but when it comes to further accountability I offer it but don't demand it. It is a courageous path and it must be freely chosen. And when it is, it is a beautiful thing.

Someone shared with me recently about how they wanted to ask for deeper accountability from some friends but they were afraid. First, they were afraid to ask. It's hard to ask someone for such a big commitment of time, engergy, and potentially awkward questions. We naturally feel bad to put someone into that situation. Secondly, we are afraid to be truly real. If I ask someone to ask me the tough questions then I will actually have to answer them! I don't know about you but admitting doubt, impure thoughts/actions, sin, etc is not very fun. I want people to think well of me. Thirdly, accountability is tough because if someone asks us the tough questions and we answer honestly then we then feel the need to take action. Choosing to change something that we know is wrong can be incredibly difficult. Lastly, accountability takes time and hey, we have such busy lives, right?

Yet, if we really want to grow, if we really want to mature, if we really want to throw off sinful behaviors and replace them with Christ-like ones then choosing the way of accountability is where it is at. It is the road less travelled. Personally, I have only experienced consistent, chosen accountability for a few very short times in my life but wow, were they ever powerful! The iron of my soul was sharp. My prayer is that someday I am courageous and blessed enough to find it again. How about you?

Just Do It

Did you know that obesity is contagious? It's true. Hang around a lot of overweight people and the environment (the obese people) will have an impact on you. On the other hand, if you hang around people who are healthy and are making healthy changes then chances are you will be influenced to become healthy yourself. In the last month it seems that many of the people I know or who I read their blogs have been doing some great work to get healthier. Lots are feeling better, losing weight, and improving how they feel about themselves. This caused me to look at myself the other day and go, "Hmmmmm . . ."

I'm not terribly overweight but I am terribly out of shape. I have the stamina of a near dead sloth. Counselling is a great workout for the mind - but it's terrible for one's body. Basically I sit around a lot and it's taken it's toll on me.

Being in an environment where so many people are making changes to their health has put social influence on me to think about changes. So for the last week I've started running. Not far (or fast) mind you, but it's something. And I'm surprised but I'm actually enjoying it - and I miss it if I can't. My first goal was to do my little run without feeling chest pains! Today I achieved it for the first time. Here's a great video I saw the other day on Neatorama about someone who also decided to make a change. I hope it inspires you today:

How Important Is It?

Our small group has an interesting format. Mostly we just talk about our lives - sharing them with each other and praying about them. We like to joke that we are the small group about nothing - no Bible studies, no books to read, just fellowship pure and simple. Recently we decided to add one more small component: The Question Of The Day(TM). The Question is something that I come up with, some kind of intellectual or emotional question about God, life with Him, or how we ought to live as Christ followers. Eventually the discussion comes down to how it impacts our lives.

Last week my question was this: "How important is being authentic to following Christ?" I defined being authentic as being real - being open and honest with yourself and others. We had an interesting discussion. There is no commandment to be real with other people . . . but, isn't not being real a form of deception (or lieing)? And how can you grow as a person if you aren't letting someone (or some people) know what you are truly thinking, feeling, experiencing, and wanting? Some people were honest about how the idea of being authentic made them feel - kind of scared actually. We agreed that you don't have to be fully transparent with everyone you meet (that would be quite exhausting) but definitely it's helpful to be real with someone.

How can we grow if we don't show people our true selves? If we don't allow someone into our inner world, they can't speak God's love, grace, and wisdom into it. Worse, we let all the bad thinking (thinking that needs desperately to be challenged) to just keep going around and around in our heads, unhindered. Here's a question: How authentic, how real are you with people? If you've been hurt in the past, are shy, or feel like you shouldn't need to tell people about your inner life then I'm guessing this idea is not pleasant. But how can we grow without it?

Personally I believe we all have a secret addiction to wearing masks, masks so that we don't have to show anyone what we feel we really are. I know I do it sometimes. I don't usually want people to know that I have fears, that I doubt myself, and that I do things that are contrary to my desires and ideals. Yet don't we tire of the masks? It's often scary to put them down, yet when we do we usually find a soul-renewing relief in it. After all, it takes a lot of energy to wear our masks (and the twisted thinking that comes with them). My challenge: Look at yourself. There's probably at least one thing that you wish you could talk about honestly with someone. Why not take a risk and share it with someone you think is safe? With your spouse, a friend, a family member, a counselor, a pastor. The more you share of yourself with safe people the easier it will get and the more authentic you will become. Good luck!

Where Were You?

Today I spent a bit of time reflecting on 9-11 as it was the 9 year anniversary since that terrible day. I've heard older people say that they can remember where they were when JFK was shot, or when the moon landing happened. For my generation it will definitely be 9-11. So here's my question: Where were you?

I was living in Mennville, MB at the time youth pastoring and camp directing. That morning Jobina had gone to work at the local school as an EA and I was sitting at home waiting for my friend Grant to come over. Grant and I were planning to do some mountain biking in the illustrious Howardville Pits which were a 5 minute ride from my house (ah, I miss those trails). For some reason I turned on the TV and was shocked to see a large tower smoking. I listened incredulously as the announcer talked about a plane crashing into one of the Twin Towers and then was even more shocked when the other plane hit (I saw it in real time). I remember feeling a great consternation and confusion. Was this the end of the world, some kind of sign of the end times? I found my general sense of "feeling safe" shaken as the world began to react in fear. When Grant arrived we watched for an hour and then to help calm our nerves . . . we went biking. Singletrack is almost always therapeutic.

When I think about it now I feel kind of sheepish to have felt the fear I did but I'm honest enough to admit it. Doubt creeps in pretty quickly when you are confronted with the unknown. May God bless those who lost family and friends in the attacks.

A Year Older

Today, to help kickstart my vacation, I had a birthday. It was a great day, I enjoyed it very much! It's an interesting thing birthdays. Some people look forward to them all year, some ignore them, others get depressed, and some are resentful to everyone around them for forgetting them!

To me celebrating my birthday is a self-care thing. Yet for the past two years I've found myself not really knowing what to do on my birthday. I feel torn between making myself happy and making those around me happy. I'd like to plan a grand adventure for myself (and those with me) but either few of my friends/family would be too excited about accompanying me or my young children would be excluded because of the limitations of their age. Sigh.

How do you handle the whole birthday thing? I'm curious to hear how others view and take part in celebrating their birth. Today I decided to ask grace at my birthday meal. I prayed "Thank you God . . . for me." A few snickers came my way but I am indeed thankful for my existence and all the things God has blessed me with. Now I just need to figure out how to celebrate it!

On Guard

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."
-Proverbs 4:23

A few weeks ago in my church John Neufeld, a former counselor and pastor, spoke on this verse. Solomon (the wisest man who ever lived) believed that the most important thing above all else was to guard your heart. I remember in Seminary being taught that in the Jewish understanding of things, the heart wasn't separate from the soul and mind - they are all one entity. As followers of God guarding our hearts is one of the most important things we can do.

So how do we do this? John had a fairly simple sermon which suggested three ways to guard our hearts:

1. Read the words of God.
2. Memorize the words of God.
3. Meditate on the words of God.

Disappointed? I was a bit. But as he explained how powerful these practices were I was very moved. He shared about how in his decades of counselling he has never counselled a couple in trouble where both people read the Word on a daily basis! Of course he admitted this was possible, he has just never seen it. He also talked about how if you know how to worry, you can meditate. So for the last week and half I have been memorizing Proverbs 4:23 (I'm a fast reader and slow memorizer) and reading/meditating on Psalm 119. I'm trying to get into the habit of guarding my heart, above all else.

There was something about this simple, almost old-fashioned sermon that touched me very deeply. I fought back tears - something I don't do a lot in church and a sign to me that God was saying something important to me. I need to start guarding my heart and reading his Word more consistently, making it a higher priority again. And already I have noticed a difference. I feel more sensitive to sin and my own predisposition to it. I'm becoming more careful, more on guard of things that could hurt my heart. Thanks John for a sermon I needed to hear . . .

Waiting

"Wait for the Lord; Be strong, and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord."
- Psalm 27:14

Well, Jobina and I are officially "waiting." Her due date is about the 13th of March but since she
has been a week and half to two weeks early with our past two kids, it feels like the baby could come anytime. I keep my phone with me and on all the time, even in sessions in case I get the call. It's weird because you just don't know when it could happen. Could be 2 weeks, could be 2 hours. Making appointments also feels weird as I don't know if I'll be able to keep them or not. Everything feels very much up in the air. Of course it is much worse for Jobina, I don't know how she sleeps at night!

Waiting is tough work. Here's to more of it!

Bad Blogger!

Well, it's been a few days since I've blogged. To be fair, I've been quite busy and then I had computer issues but hopefully I shall be blogging more often now.

It's been interesting.

A day or two ago our old iMac gave up the ghost (at least we think it has). It's our main home computer and the effect on Jobina was fascinating. It was like she went into a panic. No internet! At the same time I left my laptop power cord in Mennville on Tuesday and so until today we didn't have that either. Jobina was crawling the walls! And honestly so was I at first. But after a while I almost started to relish it. After reading Last Child In The Woods I realized how much indirect experience I have (internet, TV, etc) and how little direct I had. I felt like through this little unplanned fast from the internet I was able to get some much needed perspective.

We can live without the internet. Seriously. Anyway, not sure where this is all going but it felt somewhat providential. Do you ever think about your time on the computer (facebook, blogging, surfing) and wonder it is too much? Or wonder what your missing? I told Jobina it would be a cool experiment to go a whole year without any media: TV, movies, internet. I wonder how it would change your life? How would it change you socially, physically, spiritually? I don't think it is necessary for someone to give up all media, but too many of us (OK, I'm really just talking about myself) do not keep it in balance. Like too much sweets, salts, or deep fried foods, we know what we ought to do but lack the willpower to keep it in moderation. . .

Living With Our Mistakes

When I was a camp director, I felt like I did a pretty decent job. But one mistake I made haunted me for a long time. It was the last day of camp and we were and we were just about finished the end-of-season clean up of the facility. I was with my assistant director and a group of guys who were taking refuse to the garbage dump. We had a really heavy little trailer loaded up with things but when we got to the gates of the dump they were closed and locked. Our little trailer was quite heavy but some of the guys came up with the bright idea of picking it up and lifting it over the gate. My first instinct was that this was too dangerous but I waffled. We were so close to being done and to wait for someone to track down the key (or to unload the trailer, throw it over, and reload it) seemed like an eternity. Everyone was in a terrible hurry to get it done. My assistant director chimed in "Let's just do it." Against my better judgment I agreed and we tried to lift it over.

The first time we tried I realized the trailer was much heavier then I thought and it scared me to think what could happen. At that moment I wish I had put a stop to it but I didn't. On the second try we just about had it over when something slipped. Suddenly a sharp piece of metal slashed my hand as myself and our maintenance man for the week tried to catch it. I heard a scream and noticed that the maintenance guys fingers were drenched in blood and a few looked half severed. My own hand was dripping blood as well and I felt panic rising in me. A few minutes later the nurse came by (an incredible blessing) and we asked her to patch up our man's hand as best as she could and rush him to the hospital. Then I sat down and promptly passed out (at least that is what I was told, I don't honestly remember).

Back at the camp I was sitting, still in shock over what had happened and getting my hand patched up and I remember feeling a powerful wave of regret and anguish come over me. I felt so terrible for what I had allowed to happen that I was momentarily overwhelmed with the burden of it. My staff person Dayna was there to offer support and encouragement but I could barely hear it. I was already into full-blown blaming and self-loathing. I had made a terrible mistake and someone else had suffered for it.

It took me a couple of months before I fully forgave myself for my lapse in judgment - my failure to stop what my gut told me was too risky an action. When something like that happens to you, you start to beat yourself up. Strange and toxic thoughts get stuck in your mind, things like "I deserved for this to happen," "I'm a failure", or "I'm incompetent." Eventually I had to dispute and challenge these thoughts. With the help of friends and family, I tested these beliefs and found them to be . . . lies. I trusted in God for his grace and chose to forgive myself. I had to accept my imperfection and move on. It was hard work but with it came freedom.

Is that where you are? Are you beating yourself up over some terrible mistake you made? If so, I encourage you not to keep your struggle to yourself. Share it with someone and expose the secret to the light of truth. Everyone makes mistakes, don't hold onto them longer then you need to.

Loving and Liking

It occured to me earlier this year that their is a difference between loving and liking, but that people need them both. I was thinking about this and tried an experiment. I tell my son almost every day that I love him. So one day I stopped him, looked him in the eye and told him I had something very important to tell him. He paused. "Riker," I said, "I really like you." He paused for a moment and flew into my arms, giving me a bone crushing hug. "Aha," I thought, "Love is important but so is like."

I came to this conclusion by reflecting on some of my family relationships. With some family members I am 100% convinced that they love me. They are committed to me and I am assured that they would sacrifice big time to care, encourage, or help me. But sometimes I wonder that other question "Do they like me?" We wonder sometimes (often out of insecurity or maybe because actions don't reflect the words we hear), would this person spend time with me if they weren't my boss, friend, co-worker, ministry partner, family member, etc? Yes, we all want to be loved, but we all want to be liked as well.

How do we tell people we like them? Most of the time it's through the non-verbal things we do: spending time with them, smiling, laughing with them, sacrificing our time/energy/money for them, etc. And then of course there is the verbal; affirming them, complimenting them, admiring them, underling the things you like about them, praising them, etc. And of course simply saying those three magic words . . . "I like you."

So there you go, don't forget the importance of telling people (with your words and actions) that you like them. Or perhaps, like me, you may want to ask some important people "Do you like me?" Your request for reassurance may help you, help them, or help both of you to understand better where the other person is. So have a great day and don't forget to tell those close to you that you like them. And if you're really a keener, maybe you'll even tell them why. . .

Nostalgia

nostalgia - (noun) the longing for something past.


I've decided I don't like moving very much. It's not so much the stresses of having to pack up and leave. It's the going through your stuff. When I go through my stuff I get terribly nostalgic. I am reminded about things and it makes me wistful, sad, emotional. Today I found:

-A picture of myself when I was Riker's age.
-A map of Belize (where we went on our second honeymoon).
-Old bike magazines and pictures.
-Letters from old friends.
-Memento's from my days as camp counselor (that I kept to remind to pray for my campers).
-Notes from those who I've ministered to and ministered to me.
-Maps from outdoor adventures with friends and family.

There is something very personal and unsettling about looking at one's old stuff. I find I don't want to throw anything out. I'm worried that if I do I will forget the precious memories and people who my "junk" reminds me of. I get nostalgic and I find myself almost overwhelmed by quick floods of emotion. Jobina is at camp this week with the kids so it's even worse. I find I have to take breaks from the packing just to keep myself together! Weird, usually I'm fairly even keeled emotionally.

Perhaps for me, moving is actually a good thing. It helps me to look beyond the immediate and remember the past. Remembering God's goodness and his blessings gives me joy but it also makes me sad. But I think it's a good kind of sad. The sad that brings a lump to my throat but a lump that I savor and don't want to go.

Well, that's enough of a break - I've got to get back to packing . . .

Birthday

Well, today (July 29th) was my birthday. I spent it with my family and it was great. Birthdays always make me think about the more important things in life like my purpose, God, my challenges, my family, my achievements, and my failures. Maybe we should do our new year's resolutions on our birthdays? Jobina got me a non traditional and simple birthday card. The front page read "I like you..." and the interior wording was "You take kissing seriously." I'm glad she noticed!

I also got phone call messages from my brother and mom which was really nice and made me smile. In my humble opinion people, make two big errors when it comes to their birthday. Some ignore their birthday. These types pretend (or believe) it's not important and they either feign discomfort when anyone tries to honor their big day, or they truly are uncomfortable - like they don't deserve any sort of recognition! I don't like this approach because it seems to rob themselves (and others) of the joy of celebrating their life, uniqueness, and God's work in their life. On the far other end of the spectrum is the birthday addicts. They make sure you know their birthday is coming - maybe even weeks or months in advance. They then either plan their perfect day (down to the last detail) or they wait expectantly for others to put on a big celebration for them and are often disappointed.

I wonder though if we could embrace the positives of both approaches (humility and celebration) without the negatives (feeling unworthy to be special or being full of oneself)? I want to enjoy my birthday and celebrate God's making and sustaining me. I want to let my family celebrate me, being humble yet thankful at the same time. I want to party, think deep thoughts, open gifts, remember my blessings, and share the experience with others - all with a humble and thankful heart. Of course I'm not there yet (ask my wife) but I feel God is working on me. So how about you - do you like your birthdays? Where on the scale do you fit in? If your birthday is coming up soon (or has just recently passed), let me say a hearty "Happy Birthday" to you and I hope you have a great day!!

Permission To Struggle

Transparency

When I was 11 or 12 I remember feeling a strong desire to go and explore the forest and bush (on our quarter section of land) but also feeling great fear and trepidation about doing so. I can vividly remember standing behind our house and looking longingly into the distance towards the trees but finding myself frozen with fear. I literally couldn't take a step. What was I afraid of? Wild animals mostly (wolves, bears, cougars, etc.). Yet my heart wanted to know what lay in the woods. My instinct and my fear duelled for supremacy.

Eventually my heart won out over my fear and I explored the bush. It was exciting, terrifying, and deeply satisfying - all at the same time. I found that the wilderness was a place where God and I could have fellowship. I have never regretted my choice.

This relates to my subject of the day. It seems to me that we wear a lot of masks. The masks protect us from being real with people, of showing them who we truly are. Transparency - the act of being ourselves with others- is frightening and unnatural. We desire it - we crave it in fact - but we fear it at the same time. "What will people think of me?" "What if they knew about my past?" The fears and doubts swirl in our heads. Eventually most of us will take a chance and reveal ourselves to someone. Scary and unsafe it is and sometimes we will get hurt. But really, its the only decent way to live.

Ever Been Here?

I have. Or least it's felt like it. Am I terrible for being honest about it??

This art is from David Hayward at Naked Pastor a few days ago. Click on the image to enlarge it.

Music To My Ears

I have been told there are two kinds of people; those who spend more on music and those who spend more on books. I'm firmly in the latter category. I would guess I spend an average of about $10 per year on music - not a lot! I don't want to even think about how much I spend on books. Basically, that's to say that music is not that important to me. When I was a teenager and college student I did listen to a fair amount but it was never high on my list of things to do.

On Tuesday I was headed out of town to a BCBC board meeting and I uncharacteristically grabbed my iPod. Half way out to my destination (about 2 hours from my home) I remembered it, set it to shuffle, and started listening. I'm not sure why, but as I listened to songs I felt my soul stirring. Does that make sense? Basically by that I mean that I started thinking and feeling thoughts about my purpose in life, God, etc. I was thinking about transcendence, things outside of the material dimension but independent of it. I was hearing the spiritual meanings in the songs I was listening to and connecting with them. It felt good.

Occasionally some Christmas songs would come up. My first inclination was to skip them - most people who know me know of my struggle with the season - but I decided to give them a try anyway. To my surprise I found myself connecting deeply with several Christmas songs - the first time in a long time! I think that being able to reflect on the meaning of Christmas outside of the distraction of the season made the beauty and joy of Christ's birth finally available to me. I felt my heart soar as I listened to "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlement" by BNL and I savoured the words "Wise men still adore him" in some late 70's Christmas music from my childhood. It was wonderful. When I got to my meeting I felt like a different person, more in touch with my heart (and my heart for God) then I usually do. When someone shared some verses in a devotional thought at the beginning of the meeting, I savoured each word. I felt elated and thoughtful.

I listened to more music on the way home and even sang along sometimes - worshipping in a way that was so unusual for me. For the first time in many moons I felt God connecting with me (and I with Him) through music. I know that music will never be one of the more prominent ways that I will connect to Him, but for that one night it was gift that I will cherish the memory of. Faith is more then just intellectual assent to things, it is also emotional connection. I think that for me music can be a powerful way to that emotional side. I want my faith to be intellectual and emotionally strong and I was reminded that night how necessary both are to my soul. Anyway, these are just some random thinking I had a few nights ago.

Ten Percent?

"Will a man rob God? Yet you rob me. "But you ask, 'How do we rob you?' "In tithes and offerings. You are under a curse—the whole nation of you—because you are robbing me. Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it. I will prevent pests from devouring your crops, and the vines in your fields will not cast their fruit," says the LORD Almighty. "Then all the nations will call you blessed, for yours will be a delightful land," says the LORD Almighty.
-Malachi 3:8-12

A few weeks ago, Pastor Bob was speaking on money. I love Bob's speaking . . . he is passionate, witty, not afraid to challenge, and he does his homework. As a past RCMP officer he brings a viewpoint that is . . . well, let's say different then what I heard as part of a Mennonite church for many years. It still surprises me when at the beginning of a sermon he asks us to stop and pray for our serviceman overseas or our law enforcement officers who serve and protect. Like I said, different perspective.

Anyway, in his last sermon before heading for Bali where he and his wife Anne are serving for several months he preached on tithing. One of his points which I am pondering is this:

Tithing (giving 10% of your income) is a command for Christ followers today. That giving is to be done directly to one's local church, giving to other charities/needs should be above the 10%.

Although it is an Old Testament command that is never mentioned in the New Testament, Bob appealed to Jesus words that he had come to fulfill the law (not replace it) as well as Matthew 5:18 "I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished." Bob said that God blesses those who obey this aspect of his Word and implied (if I head him right) that some blessing might be withheld if it is not.

I'm not sure if I agree with him on this one. Most Christians agree that we are still to follow the moral law but not the ceremonial. Wouldn't this be the ceremonial law? There is much said about giving generously in the New Testament but nothing on tithing (at least that I could find). Also, Bob's appeal to the perseverance of the law wasn't fully explained. Bible scholars have much disagreement over which parts of the law should still be observed by Christians and I'm not sure most would agree that the tithing laws are for today. What do you think?

For the most apart I agreed and was challenged with Bob's series on money (very refreshing I thought) but it's just on this one issue that I am unconvinced. Money is a touchy issue but I'm curious to know other people's viewpoints on giving. What do you believe and what is your actual practice? Are they different? I'm considering trying "living by the law" when it comes to tithing for year and see what happens. Perhaps the blessings of Malachi 3 will be more obvious in my life. I suppose it would be difficult to argue with results, right?


May Light increase!

Honesty Talk

My first year at Beaver Creek Bible Camp as an assistant director was a notable one. I was hired to be the assistant but because Larry the director only made it to camp a few days before camp, I had to do all the preparation for it! Needless to say it was quite the experience: recruiting, planning, procuring stuff, etc. We had a good summer and the next summer Larry declined to be the director. With many promises of "we'll be with you all the way" from the board I fearfully took over his position. Although I was far from the perfect director I must say off all the camp positions I've had, being a director was the one I enjoyed the most.

Back to Larry. Larry was a people oriented, charismatic, up-front kind of leader. I learned many things from him but the most useful was probably that of "the talk." I remember him gathering our leadership team together in the office late one night and telling us it was time to have an honesty talk. Instead of talking about camp business in an impersonal way, he basically challenged us to talk honestly about how we were each doing with being and serving at camp. He wanted us to share how we were being impacted by each other. I remember it being quite awkward at first and then eventually everyone got . . . vulnerable. There was much honesty shared: especially about frustrations with each other and with what was happening at camp. Tears were shed. By the end of that conversation though we all felt more understood and real with each other and we put an action plan into place to deal with some of thing things that had finally been spoken out loud. I was amazed at this process and have tried to practice it myself as a leader and teach it to other leaders. This past summer as I was doing some consulting for the camp's new leadership team I took them through an honesty talk and I could tell as fears, frustrations, etc. were spoken out loud that something special happened there. "Stuff" builds up and although on great teams honesty happens all the time, sometimes we need to go out of our way to have a time to release our pent up secret frustrations, thoughts, and feelings. It gives us a chance to work some things out as well as let people in on where we are emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually. An added benefit is that in my opinion teams that choose to be consistently honest with each other are more productive, accomplish more in less time, and find their work much more fulfilling (and less stressful). That's my observation anyway.

We don't usually want or choose to be that honest with people but sometimes it is essential. And it's not just for leadership teams either. A few nights ago Jobina and I were awake late at night and there was some awkwardness that had been building for awhile. I sensed this and took a deep breath and (without calling it an honesty talk) took a risk. I started being really honest with her about some issues we were facing and how I was feeling about it. Although scary, we ended up having a really good talk (Jobina was honest about her "stuff" too) and I felt so much better after it. When two or more people choose to lovingly be vulnerable and honest, when they get things off their chest, when they expose their secret thoughts and feelings - amazing things happen. Just try it.

May Light increase!

P.S. I chose the skydiving image because to me it captures the risk and the rush involved with choosing to be honest with someone. You've got to jump out of the plane to experience the thrill!