I'm Back...

Happy New Year to you! If in the past you've been a regular reader of this blog you may have noticed that things have (ahem) been a little quiet around here for awhile. Somehow I lost my taste for this kind of thing. Partially it was the increase in my workload at Riverbend, I simply didn't have as much free time on my hands. But it was also because I felt humbled in several areas of my life and didn't feel the same about putting things out there. As days of no blogging stretched into weeks I began to get reflective on what was holding be back.

It's weird, but after not posting for awhile, I felt . . . strange whenever I would consider it. As I perused my past posts I started to not like the kind of person I was sounding like in my posts. "The tone is key" I always say to my marriage counselling clients and when I listened to the tone of many of my posts I didn't like it very much. Too much that sounded like arrogance and not enough like humility. I decided I needed to take a break long enough to leave my old expectations and ways of interacting in a blog behind. So I went cold turkey.

I'm not sure what's changed (or even if it's enough) but I now feel a little more freedom when I think about it. It's a new year, a great time for new starts. So now I'd like to slowly wade back into the blogging waters, but do so with a little more self-awareness. I guess we'll see what happens . . .

Trolls and How To Deal With Them

The following is taken from IMDB. I thought it would be helpful and instructive for some of you out there:


What is a troll?

A 'troll' is an individual who enjoys creating conflict on the internet. He or she creates and fuels arguments which upset other members of the online community.
Trolls thrive in the anonymous space that is the internet. Trolls crave attention from others, and they don't care whether the attention is positive or negative. For trolls, other users are not quite real people; they are abstract characters on the other side of a computer screen. Trolls don't feel bad about hurting the feelings of other people in the digital space.

Trolls view chat rooms and newsgroups as a challenge where the winner is the user who creates the biggest argument, the user who upsets the most people in the most dramatic way. A troll wants to be the user getting the most attention.

Troll behavior discourages many users and makes for a less vibrant online community. New users may not post because they fear ridicule. Established posters may leave an online community because the noise has overwhelmed the real discussion. Trolls can make an entire community paranoid, leading users to become negative or to accuse a user engaged in normal criticism as a troll.

What should I do (and not do) about trolls?

Remember, trolls feel rewarded by creating the biggest altercation possible. They want to get a reaction out of you. When you fight with a troll, he wins. When you reason with a troll, he wins. Any time that you give a troll attention, he gets exactly what he wants.
The best way to deal with trolls is to ignore them. When you ignore a troll, he doesn't get the satisfaction of creating an escalated conflict.

To avoid reading/receiving posts from a specific user, you can see if the website you are on has an User feature (click on the "Ignore User" link attached to any message posted by that user). If the site has it and you activate it, you will not see or receive any more messages (including Private Messages) from that user.

If you decide to leave a discussion because of the negative tone, do not dramatically announce that you are leaving. While that message may make you feel better, it only convinces the troll that he is winning.

You may also bring an abusive post to the attention of the blog author (or moderators if you are on a forum). Please only do this if the comments violate our Terms and Conditions. Just remember that a strongly stated opinion is not a violation of most sites Terms and Conditions, even if it is stated in a way that you feel is insulting or hateful.

Please remember: the best way to deal with trolls is to ignore them.

I Forgot

Yesterday I forgot to blog. Honestly, I can't remember the last time I truly forgot to do this. What does it mean? Is this the begining of the end for Random Enlightenment? Or will our hero overthrow the evil Dr. Forgetfulness and Count Procrastination and safe the day? Find out tomorrow . . .

Postage

This is my 714th blog post. Amazing! I persevered through the 5 stages of blogging and am feeling quite swell about it. Also, I've decided to post daily but be "closed on weekends" so expect about 5 posts a week for the time being. As always, feel free to let me know what you like/don't like about the blog. Adieu!

Grieving The Deleted

Thanks Terry and Jacquie for your posts this past week. It's nice to get a change of viewpoint, style, and pace by having other people post sometimes . If anyone reading is interested in being a guest poster for Random Enlightenment, please let me know. The less experienced a blogger you are, the more authentic (and probably better) you will be!

As a side blogger note, let me tell you about a sad moment I had. Several months ago, I clicked onto one of my favorite blogs called The Red Pill, written by my good friend Jay. However when I clicked on it, it wasn't there! At first I didn't believe it. A blog just can't disappear can it? It was like if you have your car stolen at the mall - you come outside and just stand there awhile, trying to figure out what could have happened. Your mind plays tricks on you. Are you in the wrong spot? Did it get towed? Slowly the cold, hard realization hits you like a load of bricks. It's gone, baby! Like when the Millennium Falcon comes out of hyperspace in Star Wars Episode IV:

HAN SOLO
What the...? Aw, we've come out of hyperspace into a meteor shower. Some kind of asteroid collision. It's not on any of the charts. (The Wookiee flips off several controls and seems very cool in the emergency. Luke makes his way into the bouncing cockpit.)

LUKE
What's going on?

HAN SOLO
Our position is correct, except... no, Alderaan!

LUKE
What do you mean? Where is it?

HAN SOLO
Thats what I'm trying to tell you, kid. It ain't there. It's been totally blown away. . .

That's how I felt when I went to Jay's blog - that it had been blown away. (Sniff.)

Usually when a blogger decides not to blog anymore they just let their blog sit there for eternity (some of you readers know exactly what I'm talking about). But this was different, the blog was not just abandoned, it was deleted. Quite dramatic and without any warning. I sensed myself going through the stages of grief:

1. Denial. "No, this can't be happening! It hasn't happened! It's still there, I just can't see it!"
2. Anger. "What, he can't do this! I loved that blog! Who does he think he is?!"
3. Bargaining. "Maybe if I beg him, he'll reconsider . . ."
4. Depression. ""I'm so sad, why bother with anything . . . What's the point? I miss that blog, why go on blogging myself?"
5. Acceptance. "It's gone. I can survive this. I will go on."

It took me awhile, but I think I'm onto stage five. I will be OK. And I will always have the memories.

Guesting It

Just a note to tell people that I'm taking a few days off of blogging to catch up on some life stuff. So I've asked for some other people to fill in for me whilst I'm away. Enjoy the guest blogging (and some new thoughts) in the meantime!

Blog Update

So as I have mentioned in the past, I'm trying to decide what to do with this blog. Should I restrict it to only those I know? Or perhaps I should just stop posting about personal things? Should I stop blogging altogether? As a counselor I struggle with knowing how blogging fits with me and my profession. I'm into authenticity but I also want to protect myself, my reputation, etc.

So I'm still not sure what to do. In the meantime though I have decided to experiment by starting a new blog. I long for a blog environment that would be totally counselor centered: one where counselors can share insights, techniques, experiences (respecting confidentiality of clients of course), humor, theory, reflections, research findings, struggles, resources, job opportunities, etc. The mission of the site would be to foster community and to encourage, equip, and enlighten ourselves as counselors. This would be a private, invite only blog - that is once it was established people would have to email the administrators to get permission to see the site. This would restrict readers to those the community can confirm are counselors. I've emailed a few counselors already and have gotten positive feedback on the idea.

I'm not sure the new blog would affect this one, but I'm curious to see. In the meantime, I'm hoping to get the new blog off the ground by mid February. What do you think of this idea? And any ideas for a name? And, if you are in the helping field (counselors, psychologists, therapists, pastors, etc), feel free to contact me for an invite at markwestman at gmail dot com . . .

To Blog Or Not To Blog, That Is The Question

It's September 1st! In many ways, this is a momentous day. First, I am now done school. Last night I emailed in my last assignment and if all goes well I'll pass my last two courses and "officially" be graduated and receive my Masters in Counseling Psych. Secondly, it is my first day "on staff" at Riverbend. Thirdly, September 1st marks the start of school for me as an adjunct instructor at Providence College (teaching one small course - College Success Skills). Lastly, I have reduced my waitering schedule, the start of eventually being able to wean myself off waitering (hopefully in a month or two). Yup, big things are happening.

With taking on two public roles, as a counselor and as an instructor, I'm wondering what to do with this blog. I like blogging, quite a bit actually, but I'm not sure if I should (a) keep the blog going or (b) keep it as it is. I'm a little worried how reading my blog might affect my clients or my students (if any of them should happen to find it online). Since I share so many of my opinions (many of which are in flux) and attempt some authenticity about spiritual and relationship issues I wonder what clients/students would think reading that. Or what if they would comment, would that be awkward? Especially with clients, who tend to idealize their counselors, I wouldn't want my random thoughts or life stuff to compromise therapy or to distract from it.

On the other hand, I highly value authenticity and wish to be real and open. Maybe some clients (or students) would benefit from seeing snippets into my life and thoughts. The old model of counseling was to be an aloof professional, new models honor authenticity and interaction. So yeah, I'm not sure what I should do.

I asked my director, Gerry what he thought and so far he said it's probably OK to continue my blog as is but that I should revisit it often. But I have a few options. I could:
1. Keep the blog open and as it is.
2. Adjust the content so it is more informative, less personal.
3. Make the blog "invite only" and keep it as is.
4. Make one blog for personal stuff (maybe locked), and one for sharing my thoughts and ideas.
5. Stop blogging all together.

What do you think I should do? Somedays I wonder if this blog is really worth the time and energy I put into it and if anyone (beside myself) really gets anything out of it. I'd appreciate your feedback. Thanks and have a great Labor Day!

May Light increase!

Blogger's New Blog List

I really like the new Blog List gadget on Blogger. It really has changed the way I read blogs. Now I just quickly refresh my page to see who has updated - no more wasted time loading blogs that haven't had a new post since the Chretien era. I also like going to other people's sites who have it and seeing that my blog is near the top of their lists. I feel like I'm being rewarded for updating often.

The thing about my blog list is that it's kind of like Santa; it knows who's been naughty (hasn't posted in a while) and nice (posted recently). On my list, it only shows the ten most updated blogs, so if you haven't updated in a while you are dropped from being visible on the list. Is this not poetic justice? There is a kind of peer pressure that this new gadget creates; blog or be forgotten. Of course that is not what blogging is supposed to be about, but that's besides the point. In blogging the new Blog list is Darwinian economics in motion - survival of the fittest, or um, bloggiest. You know what I mean. Right?

I have no idea if this makes sense or not, but to sum up . . . I really like the new Blog List.

May Light increase!

The Medium and the Message (and Blogging)

"The medium is the message." - Marshall McLuhan

(this post is based heavily on a comment I left at the excellent blog "Fun with The Friesens" a while ago)

As my own blog is no stranger to controversy, I have been reflecting on the weakness of the blog medium (and the written word in general) when it comes to discussing things that we may disagree on. A problem with blogging (besides the possibility of people sometimes abusing anonymity) is that so much of a person's message is unclear or left up to interpretation. In face to face conversation you can see facial expressions, detect the tone of the speaker, and hear which words are emphasized (and which ones aren't). These are all important clues to what a speaker is really saying that are missed when communicated in the written word.

A commenter may mean something as gently sarcastic, playful, tongue in cheek, humorous, etc. but readers may hear it as an attack, an insult, jaded, argumentative, depressed, etc. There is so much opportunity for miscommunication! And unlike a face to face conversation, you can't tell if what you are saying to someone is landing on them incorrectly until it is too late. Thus repair attempts (common in face to face discussions) don't happen right away and people can get upset. Strong words fly back and forth and pretty soon what was a discussion of opinions degrades into "personal attacks."

At least that is what has the potential to happen when we jump to conclusions about our interpretation of what others write.

Another weakness of the blog medium is that if someone is offended by a comment or post on a blog they can simply just not comment back (the equivalent of storming out of a room or the silent treatment) - never allowing miscommunicated thoughts to be questioned or corrected. So then even if you think you've offended someone (or if they have been honest enough to tell you), getting specific feedback on what exactly it was that offended other is challenging because the person is under very little pressure to respond. Often they think their job is done! Just telling someone that you are offended by what they said is not feedback. Feedback has to be specific (time, place, what was said/done, explanation). We often congratulate ourselves that we gave someone "feedback" ("You were out of line!") but unless we get specific it is only doing half the work. And work that is only half done can be just as bad as doing none at all.

Blogging is great, but it takes specific writing skills to communicate clearly and accurately. This It also requires patience - patience to ask "Do they really mean what I think they mean?" Emoticons (as much as I hate them) would be helpful but because of their "cheeziness" factor will probably never be utilized. Being honest, specific (not vague), questioning, respectful, and extremely patient/gracious are key factors in entering blog conversation successfully. I am convinced that most people are capable of this. But not all.

May light increase!

A Blog Is Born: Check It Out

A few times on this blog I have been away or busy and I have relied on my good friend Jay to be an excellent "guest blogger." Ironically when he first filled in for me, my hits went up higher then when I was authoring it! Now Jay has his own blog and I encourage you to check it out: The Red Pill. Jay is a talented writer, thespian, and thinker so I assume his writing will be marked by greatness and just a tad of controversy. Welcome to the world of blogging Jay (finally)! We look forward to being enriched, enlightened, and entertained.

May Light Increase!

Blogging: It Might Kill You

Here's a story saying that blogging can kill you. Here's a story saying the first story is hogwash (mostly). What do you think? I'm not sure what to believe but I think that the stress and pressure some people put on themselves to blog is not good for them.

May Light increase!

Under Construction

(YouTube Link)

I am attempting to make some changes to my blog and update the look a little. Hopefully it will look ship shape pretty soon. In the meantime, check out this video I found of what it looks like to karate chop a brick in slow motion. Hint: It's not quite as pretty when you slow down the camera!



May Light increase!

Happy 300th Post (To Me!)

Today is a special day because it marks the 300th post here at Random Enlightenment. It's hard to believe that just over a year ago I started up this whole blog thing. What started as an experiment became both a discipline and a record of my thoughts and life. If you are a regular reader, thanks for choosing to stop by! If you are a commenter, thanks for the conversations! If you are lurker, well, thanks for lurking! Later today, as a trip down memory lane, I will post some links to some of my favorite (and most reviled) posts. Stay tuned, the best is yet to come.

Update:

Most Popular Posts (by Comments):
Premarital Counseling, Jbo Knows: Introductions, The Bachelor Rant, What Would Jesus Drink?, What Would You Do?, Separate Beds

Most Humorous videos:
German Prank, Waiters Who Are Nauseated By Food, Word Association

Most Authentic Posts:
The Madness of Money, Peace and Feeling Unwise, I Hate Cancer: Part 1

Most Disagreed With Posts:
Prius Worse For Environment Then Hummer, Who Can you Control: Part 2

Favorite Series:
Christians and Tipping

Most Unappreciated/Ignored (but genius to me) Posts:
Secrets, "Poisoned" Series , Father's Day Sermons

May Light increase!

Thanks A Million (times 2)

Well, I'm back. I have returned from my week long course in Calgary and am looking forward to getting back into the swing of things. I think of my trip to Calgary as a kind of "cross cultural" experience and in the next week I'm going to describe a few of my experiences. In the meantime though, I want to send some thanks out.

First of all to my gracious and long suffering hosts and friends in Calgary, Mike and Rayna. Do you have the kind of friends who you could show up at 2:00am in the morning and say "Um, can we stay here overnight?" Those are the kind of people they are. They took me into their home for 6 days and gave me lodging, food, transportation, entertainment, and best of all friendship. Thanks guys. Thanks too for letting me in your lives. Having a guest in your home kind of disrupts your whole existence, even if they are your friend. I totally enjoyed my visit and playing with Rhys (an energetic and cute two year old) was awesome.

I also want to thank Jay for doing such an awesome job guest posting on the blog. I see that my hits went up higher they have ever been! What happens when the guest blogger is better than the original blogger? It's easy, he should have his own blog. Or he should do a weekly post. Either way, I'd say the experiment was a success. Thanks Jay, you truly are a witty and enjoyable to read writer. I look forward to hearing more from you.

I feel most blessed to have such good friends.

May Light increase!

Why Aren't You Blogging?

I was looking at my "friends and fellow thinkers" section on the side of my blog and it made me sad. First I was sad because some of these blogs are almost never updated and I fear that I will have to remove them ("dead" blogs are not cool to have on one's blogroll). Secondly I was sad because I'd love to add more blogs of people I know but there aren't a lot out there. I find it interesting that many people are smarter, funnier, and can write way better then me but they don't have a blog. Why not? It takes like 10 minutes to start one. And you don't have to write something everyday. It seems that a lot of my friends would have fantastic blogs (which I could learn from) if they'd only give it a try.

Starting and maintaining a blog does have some drawbacks (mostly in time and mental energy spent). But here are some reasons why you might want to try it:

1. It's not the "cool" thing to do anymore. The people who jumped onto the bandwagon exited it first for myspace and then facebook. Think of blogging as pleasantly retro, like the 80's!
2. It's a great way to journal your life, thoughts, ideas, pictures, music, etc.
3. It's a great way to "sharpen the saw" of your creativity.
4. It keeps people up to date and lets them know you are alive.
5. It's a great way to learn how to present your thoughts/ideas/feelings publicly and learn to expose yourself to feedback (the real way to achieve growth in anything).
6. Do you like getting mail? That's how it feels anytime someone leaves a comment.
7. You will meet new people with interesting lives and opinions.
8. Some 2006 bloggin stats:

* 8% of consumers (12 million US adults) keep a blog, up from 7% last year.
* 39% of consumers (57 million US adults) read blogs, up from 27% last year.

Anyway, I challenge you to try it. Anyone up for it?

May Light increase!

Blogging, Discipline, and Laziness.

It's funny, but I almost never get writer's block when it comes to blogging. Usually (like every day), I instead get what I call "writer's laziness." This is very different. I find that I have lots of topics that I could write upon - things that are happening in my life, things that I'm learning about, interesting things I've seen on the news or on the web - but it still takes hard work to sit down and actually do it. This desire to avoid hard work is what slows me down - not writer's block.

I see blogging as a hobby, but also as a discipline. It takes time, energy, and creativity to post something every day! Here's where discipline comes in. The reason I've recently taken to blogging daily now is to prove to myself that I can be disciplined at something (as my summer has not gone well in this area). I wanted to do 4 courses, work full time, fix my rental property, fix my house, spend lots of time with my family, read some books, etc, etc. Sadly, because of a lack of discipline (coupled with procrastination), I find that I will only have done 3 courses, barely fixed my rental, and spent only a few precious days vacationing with my family. I may have bit off a bit more then I could chew but if I had been more disciplined I could have done almost all of it. This knowledge makes me sad.

I'm reading through "The Way of the Wild Heart" and the author talks about how one of the aspects of God is the Warrior (for all my ultra-pacifist friends, sorry it's true: "The Lord is a warrior; the Lord is his name" -Exodus 15:3). One of the traits of the warrior is discipline, he writes, the kind of discipline that allows a man to endure suffering, a bad job, a difficult marriage, etc. I'm thinking that if I would reframe discipline as a warrior trait, then perhaps I will have more of it. Wish me luck . . .

May Light increase!

Feedback Contest Winner!

Congratulations to Rod who is the winner of my feedback contest! Rod, let me know which of the fabulous prizes you would like and I will let ship it out to you ASAP! Thanks to everyone who entered, I really appreciate you taking the time to give me your impressions of my humble site (and it’s not too late if you would still like to). I will respond to some of that feedback on the original contest post and most likely you’ll see some changes on the site over time as I experiement with new looks and different content. In the meantime, would you prefer this template for my blog or the one I have now? Thanks for your two cents.

May Light increase!

Blog Feedback: Suggestions Wanted

According to Blogger, this will be my 138th post! I started this blog as an experiment to share my thoughts on whatever I found interesting and enlightening. I suppose it has kind of evolved; not only is it about ideas but it's also become a personal journal and record of my adventures in life. It's also a daily discipline. When I first started it I wanted it to be pure, I would write what I wanted and I wouldn't care what anyone else thought. Lately I've really appreciated the conversations and interaction with others that I've been able to have and now consider my readers to be an integral part of the blog. Thank you! And on that note . . .

I've been thinking about changes to the look and content of Random Enlightenment. But I'm curious. Whether you are a regular reader or this is your first time stopping by, I'm wondering how you experience this site:

What do you like and not like?
What were your favorite and least favorite posts?
What would you like to hear/see more of?
What did you appreciate? Has anything impacted you?
What annoyed you? What doesn't work for you?
What would you do to improve the look of the site?
Any other suggestions?

Be as honest as you wish, I take rejection well! As a bonus, for everyone who comments, I'll put you in a draw for a prize (your choice of either Mark Twain's "Roughing It" or box of 12 packs of Excel gum). I'll hold the draw next Wednesday morning.

May Light increase!

Rated . . .

Today I found this interesting site that will "rate" your blog. As you can see mine is rated "PG." Strangely enough, I was kind of disappointed, surely I could get at least a "PG-13" or "R"? Check out what your blog is rated by clicking here. Let me know what you are rated.

May Light increase!