Monday, March 12, 2007

Separate Beds


If you know me, you know that I am keenly interested in relationships, romance, love, eros, etc. So I was very interested to read this article about the number of homes being built with more then one master bedroom. A survey by the National Association of Home Builders has predicted that by 2015, 60% of American custom-built homes will have two master bedroom suites! The reason behind this is apparently many couples have trouble sleeping with another person in their bed (snoring, movement, getting up for children/bathroom stuff/etc.). The article mentions that apparently the sexual lives of the couples is not a factor. Just the desire for better sleep and to avoid marital tension.

I find this desire for separate bedrooms intriguing. In the past, if I have heard rumors of couples sleeping in separate rooms, my first though was "uh oh, having problems are we?" This is my own prejudice I suppose. In my mind (thanks to my cultural upbringing) I assume marital health and sleeping in the same bed are synonymous. Even as I challenge the thought, I realize it is a deep belief. Why not sleep in separate rooms? Spouses don't have to always to be together right? I'm wondering if there are many people out there who already sleeping in separate rooms and not sharing that information with others out of guilt/shame. Or perhaps there are people who are sleeping together and their marriages are suffering for it because, like me, they can't get past their cultural assumptions about what married couples do?

I remain curious. Do you know anyone who sleeps separately from their spouse? Do you know anyone who perhaps should be or is considering it? Or what about you? Here's your chance to come out of the closet. Let the liberation begin!

May Light increase!

11 comments:

Jobina said...

I've known two couples in my life who have done this. In both cases it was either due to extreme snoring or medical issues. I wonder though if this "new" trend is a kickback to older times when husband and wife has seperate rooms connected by a door or servants rooms and would summon each other for their marital excursions? Not my cup of tea. I like my king size bed and the warm masculine body in it.

Anonymous said...

I for one could sleep in a seperate room from my hubby. We're not cuddlers and he has a lot of difficulty sleeping. If we had the room (and an extra bed) I think we would have started that already. I don't think this would cause any problems with our sex life, if anything it could make it more exciting! You could send an invitation to your spouse to meet you in a certain room, for instance! There's also the pleasant though of decorating that one room how you would like instead of having to compromise. It's nice to have one room that's all about you and your personality...but that's just my opinion.

Later!

Michele

Anonymous said...

Lucy and Ricky slept in differnt beds. So did the Cleavers. And as a result,the 50's was an era of family perfection...

Bring it on!

-Sleeps with Rayna

Jay Boaz said...

I'm reminded of the movie Pleasantville where the town was shocked by the introduction of "those big beds". :)

Jay Boaz

Stacey said...

Working in the real estate market in Toronto in development where you watch the trends happen I can concur that this is definately a new thing that is fast becoming the norm. Couples are both working, as you say, have different things going on, raising kids, careers, etc. I hear more and more people who have sleep disorders and so on... So... I don't know. Doesn't sound like a terrible idea. As long as everything else between couples is um, ahem, "functioning" :)

Mom said...

That's a GREAT bedroom picture!

I say you do what works for you and your spouse.... and a king sized bed is a must if you can afford it and have room for it!

Stacey said...

Well, I remember making both beds, for one couple many times when I worked at a hotel in Banff. It was mostly older English couples that stayed there. I always found it hilarious. One bed had a silk nighty, and the other some really expensive mens pajamas.

Personally, I think I would sleep better if I was alone, but I would miss Keith. We need our 'cuddle time' as short as it might be.

Rayna said...

I think I have always had the same prejudice as you and have been horrified in the past to wake up in the middle of the night to discover I have driven Michael out of our bed with my restless sleeping or pregnancy issues with Rhys. I have gotten over this in the past 2 years. We do not often sleep in different beds, though it seems we sleep better then. Michael got his best sleep ever last week when he crashed early in the evening on the couch and ended up sleeping there until morning! I would miss him if it was a regular thing, some cuddling and of course, someone who I can warm up my cold feet on! :)

Anonymous said...

John says that Winston Churchill and his wife, Clementine were married for 64 years and slept in seperate bedrooms the whole time! Apparently, this was quite common back then in "upper crust" english households. Winston Churchill had a crazy schedule and was quite the night owl. Clementine was not. They had 4 children so the sex aspect of things didn't seem to be an issue. From all I've read, they had a very close relationship.

Mark said...

Wow, thanks for the thoughts! Obviously this separate beds thing could be important. I find it interesting how our views on things like separate beds become so ingrained in us. I wonder if two decades ago when people worked less and spent more time together that sleeping separately just made more sense? At some point, the idea that married couples should sleep in the same bed together must have hit a tipping point and then it became mainstream practice (and mainstream thought. I wonder when that was. Well, if it was good enough for Churchill, it must be workable for others as well!

glassgirl said...

Interesting. I think that sleeping together is an integral part of marriage. It's about more than sex. It's about an overall sense of intimacy and sharing life that isn't shared with anyone else. I feel like nowadays, everything is about self, and marriage is definetely not about self. Now what about the family bed? What are the thoughts on that?