Reason: Stop Babying Your Kids!

Perhaps our desire to protect our children has gone too far - this is the premise of the book and blog "Free Range Kids" whose author espouses a more "hands off" approach to parenting then many of us our used to. It is difficult for us to realize that the way we protect our kids (yes, I'm talking to you helicopter Mom) is simply based on our beliefs about kids/the world, and not on fact. Check out how resourceful kids are in areas of the world that do not have the luxuries that we do:



And I was excited when our kids could get their own cereal in the morning!

Working on My 4 Hour Body

As I mentioned previously (in this post) I have been reading through The 4 Hour Body by Tim Ferris. Definitely a fascinating book. As a fan of experimentation, I asked Jobina if she would like to try doing the 4 Hour Body fat burning diet for a month to see how it goes. I actually have been experimenting with parts of it already (between that and the death diet, I have already lost 10-15 pounds) but I want to see if I can lose 5 or 10 more. Essentially I'm curious and I want assist Jobina with her own goals. This plan is actually quite simple:

1. Avoid "white" carbs
2. Eat the same few meals over and over again
3. Don't drink calories
4. Take one day off per week (yes, a cheat day)

Yes, that's it.

This of course is only the beginning, in addition to this I plan to use other powerful techniques the author has tested including:

-daily track my total inches, body fat, and weight
-use thermal loading/cold techniques to quicken my metabolism (ex/ ice water on awaking)
-take a photo of everything I eat and post it on weight loss blog
-use social awareness to increase adherence (public blog charting progress & bets with friends)
-take an unflattering "before" picture and put it in a prominent place
-when I get mid-week cravings, write down the foods I crave and plan/look forward to eating them on my cheat day

Most of the above techniques are psychological and have been proven by research to assist people in their goals. Tracking your progress is by itself sometimes enough to help people lose significant weight. I am 100% convinced that if I follow through on my plan I will lose the weight, possibly all within a month or two. I invite you to visit my experiment blog (here) to ask questions, shout slogans at me, tell me I'm out to lunch, or just say you've stopped by. Please do, it will help me out! After I lose the weight, I plan to experiment with Ferris' other techniques for gaining strength, adding muscle, and increasing endurance. . .

Busy

“Doing nothing is better than being busy doing nothing.”
-Lao Tzu

Sorry I haven't done any updates in the past while - my practice has suddenly gotten very busy and I'm working to adjust to my newly full schedule. While this change of pace is welcome it is also somewhat disconcerting. Lately I find myself saying to people how busy I am. Important people including friends, my kids, parents, etc. At first glance being busy seems like a good thing, does it not? After a little reflection I'm not so sure.

Being busy and being productive are not the same same thing. Neither is busy the same as being happy, joyful, content, or fulfilled.

I am thinking that having a full schedule and being busy are often two very different things. When I read the story of Mary and Martha, I get the sense that Martha was busy and Mary was not. Yet both had a full schedule. Learning to choose Mary's way vs Martha's is challenging to me. Being slothful is not good, but neither is being over busy.

A Deep Question

At my small group I kind have a "question of the day" to get us thinking and discussing. Last week the question was "Which of the 7 deadly sins do you find the most difficult to resist and which are the easiest?" Like me, the questions are kind of random and are usually tied to whatever I'm thinking about lately. So here's a question I've been thinking about lately:

If a spouse denies their partner sexual intimacy for an extended period of time, is this a form of unfaithfulness?

Just curious what you think . . .

She Left Me!

Yes, my wife left me.

For Ecuador.

Jobina is doing a self propelled missions trip to Quito, Ecuador with her friend Lee. The two of them are delivering supplies to a pregnancy crisis center that is in the start up phase and is being started up by a couple from our church. Jobina is going to have a very full week of holding babies, visiting orphanages, encouraging her hosts, singing in prison, and helping out at a daycare that's situated in a dump. Luckily my wonderful mother in law is staying with us to help out on the homefront (which is awesome!) but I have a few prayer requests for Jobina if you think of her this week:

-pray for her not to get altitude sickness (Quito is 10,000 feet above sea level!)
-pray for safety in travel to/from/and in Ecuador
-pray for the ability to connect with babies, children, and mothers from a different culture and language and show them God's love

Also, feel free to pray for those who are left behind. I'm very proud of my adventurous wife and I hope that God really challenges and blesses her!

"Both!"

My wife asked my daughter this morning "So, when you grow up are you going to be a great chef in a restaurant or a great cook for your family?" Trinity thought for a moment, smiled, and said "Both!"

I love her answer.

Too often I am the victim of what I call "either/or" thinking. Either/or thinking is when you feel like you can only have one thing or the other - not both. So you settle. For instance we sometimes feel like we have to choose:

-Your spouse's dreams OR your dreams.
-Financial security OR a job that I enjoy.
-The acceptance of others OR standing up for what you believe.
-An exciting sex life OR life long monogamy.
-Sacrificial servanthood OR ministry we enjoy.

Much of the time I believe we have too little vision, too little faith too see that surprisingly you can sometimes really have your cake and eat it too. It just takes creativity, perseverance, and the belief that maybe, just maybe you can have and accomplish two noble things that at first seem incompatible with each other. It's not always possible, but I believe that for most of us we often miss the possibilities simply because we don't believe they could exist. These kind of "can I have my cake and eat it too?" problems are great to help us test our creativity and practice finding solutions to things. And they reveal much about our personality.

Of course, many people con others by tapping into their desire to have naturally conflicting things ("get rich with no work" is one that comes to mind) so it is still necessary to be discerning and wise. But too often we go to the other extreme: intellectual closed to possibilities. I kind of think of it on a scale:

<------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------>

Gullible ................................................. CREATIVE & ......................................Sceptical & Must
& Naive......................................... OPEN TO POSSIBILITY ............................... see to believe
(Too open) ...................................... (open but discerning) ............... (closed to most possibilities)

Where do you think you are on my little scale? This scale is a work in progress (feel free to suggest changes) but basically I want to be somewhere in the middle. Open, discerning, and challenged to find ways to make the seemingly impossible or incompatible work.

2011 Goals

"A goal without a plan is just a wish." - Antoine de Saint - Exupery

After much thinking, some discussion, and some prayer, here are my goals (if the Lord wills it) for the year:

2011 Goals

As a Christ follower
-Verbally (out loud) submit myself to God daily, every part of me
-Pour myself out serving God and others, investing in their lives
-Using my money, time, and resources store up treasure in heaven
-Spend quality time with God twice daily
-Invite someone to church
-Pray weekly for family, friends, clients
-Do at least one 24 hour Solo retreat (scheduled)
-Set aside some extra giving money for missionaries/compassionate needs
-Reboot confession/accountability with an old friend

As a husband
-One Date every month with Jobina (scheduled)
-One weekend getaway with Jobina (scheduled)
-10 hours/week quality time, meeting our most important emotional needs
-No screens in the bedroom, ever
-Set Up specific boundaries around computer/TV/reading time

As a father/family leader
-Family vacation (scheduled)
-Go down to a maximum three nights a week by end of March
-1 overnight get away with each of my kids (scheduled)
-Minimum 1 hour a week quality time with each of my kids
-2 “dates” with each of my older kids during the year (scheduled)
-4 family day excursions per year (scheduled)
-Rethink how we celebrate Christmas, make own traditions

In terms of my physical health
-Get to bed by 11, 5 days a week
-Minimum once a week aerobic activity (scheduled)
-Purchase winter exercise equipment (ex/ rollers or skis)
-Purchase bike rack for van
-Reduce my caloric intake by at least 20%

As an adventurer
-Two Weekend Adventures (scheduled)
-One day solo adventure (scheduled)

In terms of my financial health
-Do Pay Yourself First (every month) and invest it
-Make 50% on my stock investing
-Make an extra $1000 a month income

In terms of professional/personal development
-Transition to checking email twice a day (a la Tim Ferris)
-Notes: Summaries, next session planning
-Learn Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy



I found it hard to come up with specifics for my spiritual goals, so I'm just going to rate each on a scale of 1 to 10 now and then compare near the end of the year where I rate them then. My theme is "doing what works" so most of what I'm aiming to achieve I've already done for short periods of time or I've done as an experiment but quit for some reason. A good example of this is scheduling - I find I get way more of what I want to do when I simply schedule it on my calendar. I'm finding my goal setting is becoming more of personal journey, but I post them here to give myself incentive to not forget about them as I will report on them at the end of the year.

It's past January, so I feel I can realistically finalize these goals after the cold, hard realities of life have supplanted the giddiness of New Year's. Here's hoping I'll have a meaningful and productive year (and I wish the same for you!)

Getting Away

This past weekend I had a great get-a-way. Myself and two other guys went up to Pinawa for a combination XC-Ski adventure and personal retreat. I came back feeling. . . refreshed.

The trails at Pinawa are top-notch and they obviously have a very dedicated ski organization there as the trails were so well laid out and maintained. The warming huts on the trails were really nice log cabins which were very inviting. The first night we got to Pinawa we went for a night ski. This is where I found out that 1. I had forgotten how to descend on XC skis (with spectacular results) and that 2. one of my ski bindings was broken. Still had a good time though. The next day we we spent our morning and evenings doing solitude stuff but did some amazing skiing (me with a new set of skis) in the afternoon. I'm pretty out of shape so by the end I was tired and had done some pretty amazing crashes (the other guys took turns skiing behind me so they could witness these things) but it was still tons of fun. It's taken me til today for my body to not to feel in constant pain but that's OK because I consider that kind of pain to be a good kind!

We stayed at Wilderness Edge Resort in downtown Pinawa. This is an old, massive AECL dorm that has been converted into a group use facility. It was very cheap. We got a great deal on a 2 bedroom suite and had all of our meals taken care of (including a pig roast on Saturday night that was absolutely amazing). I would say we were quite coddled there but the time not preparing meals meant we could put more time into skiing and solo reflection times. I don't recommend the complimentary skis at this resort - many of them were damaged and it was hard to find a decent pair. Next time I go here I will rent skis in Winnipeg.

One of the guy's core values is hot tubbing so we spent a lot of time doing that - at least once a day. What I found interesting was how much time we spent talking. We talked about God, relationships, personal growth, giving, psychology, church, finances, child-rearing - almost everything. We must have spent at least 8 hours in deep discussion about all sorts of things and everyone ended up sharing really cool things. I definitely learned alot. Every night we were up past 2am talking about really fascinating stuff. That alone was probably worth the entire weekend - never mind the exercise and personal time with God (which were very good).

I also spent some of my time refining personal goals for the year. I will post these at a later date.

Yup, it was a great weekend. I definitely feel different coming back. Sometimes I need to get away from my regular life for awhile. It helps me remember what is really important: God, my family, ministering to others, taking care of myself, and growing. One of my core values is exploring and so this need gets met as well. We plan to keep on doing it at least once a year (this is the 3rd or 4th year and other men are always welcome. Let me know if you'd like to be contacted with the details. The more the merrier.

Goal Setting for 2011

Are you setting any goals for this year? If so, what are your reasons for/against? At one of my recent family gatherings I asked people if they had any goals for the year or if they were making any New Year's Resolutions. Almost all of them said no. Most of them said no adamantly. Several said something like "My New Year's Resolution is not to make any New Year's Resolutions!"

It is not my goal to judge those who have this view, but I will say that setting goals is really helpful for me personally. For me, to aim at nothing (and hope for the best) doesn't work - too frequently I get what I aimed for! Currently I'm brainstorming possible goals and weighing them in my mind. I plan to have measurable goals in the following areas:

-As a Christ follower
-In terms of my physical health
-As an adventurer
-In terms of my financial health
-As a husband
-In terms of professional development
-As a father

I told Jobina that I want to take 24 hours and go find a quiet place to pray and finalize these. To keep myself accountable I'll post them on my blog.

In my mind you have two choices: One big fat hairy audacious goal (like I had last year) . . . or several ambitious (but not too impossible) goals. Either way works. What are your goals for this year?

I think alot of don't make goals because we are afraid of failure, disappointment, or having others know we failed. But like I tell my clients, it is always better to strive after something and fail then to not strive for anything. It is in the striving that we grow, are stretched, and produce character. If we achieve our goals we celebrate, and if we fail to achieve them we learn and grow from it. Either way, we win. The only way we lose is if we don't strive for anything at all.

Top 10 Books From My 2010 Book A Week Challenge

OK, here are my favorite books that I read this past year. If you've got some Christmas money kicking around and you wanted to pick up something enlightening to read, here's a few ideas:

1. Last Child In The Woods - Saving Our Children From Nature-Deficit Disorder
by Richard Louv. This book reinforced why nature is so important for our kids and what we can do to help them rediscover it. Seriously this book blew me away.

2. When The Game Is Over It All Goes Back In The Box by John Ortberg. If you are feeling a little unsure about your purpose in life, this could be a great book for you - especially if you are task oriented, materialistic, or prone to people pleasing.

3. The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns. This huge book is now an essential part of my counselling library. If you are hesitant about going to see a counselor but need some practical help for your anxiety, depression, or other common problems in living - this book is like a psychologist in box. So very useful.

4. The Speed of Trust by Stephen M. R. Covey. Trust is the only way to live, conduct business, and feel good about yourself and others. This book was like an ethical slap upside the head to me. For those wanting to build the trust of others, this book is essential reading.

5. The Four Hour Work Week by Tim Ferris. Easily the most radical book I read this year, I'm still reeling from his ideas. So many of our most common ideas about work, retirement, and living life are exploded and reconstructed here that you will be left feeling like Pandora's box has been opened and you can never close it again. . .

6. The Richest Man In Babylon by George Clason. Short and poignant stories of wisdom on how to handle your money wisely that if applied would benefit everyone. I only wish I'd read this when I got married! It's that powerful.

7. Switch -How To Change Things When Change Is Hard by Chip and Dan Heath. A great book - I was shocked at how easily the authors put together what is necessary to change self, others, and groups of people into short, easily understood instructions. Amazing and insightful.

8. The Sex Starved Marriage by Michele Weiner Davis. This book is hopeful, empowering, and super practical. My new favorite sex book to recommend to others - whether your marriage is sex starved or not.

9. Every Man's Battle: Winning the War on Sexual Temptation by Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker. This book is not a magic trick that if you read it, you will always be able to withstand sexual temptation. But the ideas and stories are real, and if you take the author's advice to heart, this book can really help you.

10. Rich Kid, Smart Kid by Robert Kiyosaki. The best way to help your kids manage their money is to teach them - preferably a lot of the ideas in this book. Though not an instruction manual, it has so many good things and as a parent you will certainly learn as you teach. So helpful.

Adventures In Stock Investing

If you’d told me a year ago that I would be doing a post on stock investing I would have laughed in your face. Seriously. Then I would have lectured you about the volatility of stocks, their meager returns, and why real estate was such a better way. So it is with a bit of sheepishness and humility that I now say “I was wrong.” Investing in stocks can actually be . . . (ahem) smart.


So how did I get involved?

I have a co-worker who mentioned that her husband invests in stocks. Not only that but he’s trained hundreds of people on how to do so and is quite successful. This is his job – just buying and selling stocks - and training others how to do it as well. He has his own system that he’s developed and she wondered if I would be interested in talking to him. I asked about his returns (which were enough to intrigue me) and then got an email from him a little later. He explained his system to me and told me how it works. And he showed me his record. These were enough to convince me that I’d stumbled onto something spectacular and after some thinking and praying told Jobina “We’d be fools not to try this out!” So I signed up for his coaching plus you pay a monthly fee to be subscribed to his website (where he publishes stock picks as well as runs analysis on the market to help you pick your own).

I have now been doing it a little over 6 months and in that time I have made over a 35% return. I think that’s pretty good and I don’t know if I could do that again (or if I could make more) but I’m content so far. I get into stocks that have momentum and then sell them once they reach the targets that my coach has set out. The goal is never to hold onto any stock for more then 5 days. My biggest loss was about $300 and my biggest gain was just under $1000 (that one was a bit lucky!). I started out with a self-directed TFSA (at Questrade) maxed out to $10,000. By the way, the TFSA is an investor’s dream – you will never be taxed on any of your earnings! I love my TFSA like my own children. To me, it is a gift from our government - take advantage of it while it’s still around!

I found out that investing in stocks can play havoc with your emotions, especially at the start. When you “win” you get a rush and when you lose you feel down and depressed. And yes, you will lose. I found out that I’m not good at taking losses (never had to in real estate) but that it is a necessity in stocks. Luckily I have won much more then I lost. This kind of investing is much like gambling (although farming is a form of gambling too – so is every form of earning income) and so I don’t think it is for everyone. I’m really enjoying it and while I wouldn’t invest everything I have in stocks, I’ve definitely changed my mind about them. My monthly fee that I pay my coach is easily offset by my gains – and if I had more money to invest with the cost to be would be even more reasonable.

When I told my Mom about my stock investing she laughed and said that is what my grandpa (who died when I was 8) also was into. I like the fact that I discovered this on my own, yet it connects me to my grandfather. I think that he would smile, knowing that I’m investing like he did.

Sick

Sorry about the sporadic nature of my posts lately, my family has been very sick (especially Trinity and Sawyer) and it feels like we've been treading water on the home front. I'm always amazed at how being ill so dramatically affects one's quality of life. Your attitude, productivity, socialness, happiness - everything is effected. I hate being sick (around Christmas is the worst) but hopefully we'll be through it in another week.

I suppose being sick can teach you things. Like being grateful when you aren't! Also, about one's mortality, the really important things in life, and of course the perils of having multiple children in school. Ah well.

Risking It All

Last Saturday I had some guys over at my house to play one of the greatest games ever created: Risk. It was an epic game - full of the twists, trash talking, surprise upsets, and bluffing that make the game so sweet. The game lasted a few hours but was enjoyed by all six of us.

Yes, Risk is a simple boardgame. But it's so much more. I find that when it comes to truly getting to know and understand someone Risk is the best. After a few games of Risk with someone you know the answers to things like:

-What is their risk tolerance?
-How honest are they?
-Are they more task or relationship oriented?
-Are they a good winner?
-Are they a good loser?
-How patient are they?
-How resourceful are they?

Risk is also a great metaphor for life. Are you playing to win or simply not to lose? Are you willing to make alliances with people (and if so, will you keep them)? To succeed in life, you must take risks and nothing is ever for sure (hence the dice). I conservatively guess that I've played over 80 games of boardgame risk in my life and hundreds of games on my computer.

Risk is 1/3rd strategy, 1/3rd psychological, and 1/3rd third luck (my favorite part is the psychological). I love boardgames (Jobina and I are trying a new one called Dominion which is quite good) but Risk will always have the most special place in my heart. What about you, what's your favorite boardgame and why?

Real Accountability

"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another."
-Proverbs 27:17

I am convinced that men crave and need accountability but very few ever truly experience it. Accountability (my definition) is choosing to be real with someone and inviting them to consistently ask you tough questions about where you are at in your life, holding you to the standard that you ask to be held at.

Notice that my definition puts the onus on the one wanting accountability. Accountability forced on someone doesn't work long term. Real accountability must be embraced for it to work. When I meet with couples in premarital counselling I will ask them where things are at in their physical relationship but when it comes to further accountability I offer it but don't demand it. It is a courageous path and it must be freely chosen. And when it is, it is a beautiful thing.

Someone shared with me recently about how they wanted to ask for deeper accountability from some friends but they were afraid. First, they were afraid to ask. It's hard to ask someone for such a big commitment of time, engergy, and potentially awkward questions. We naturally feel bad to put someone into that situation. Secondly, we are afraid to be truly real. If I ask someone to ask me the tough questions then I will actually have to answer them! I don't know about you but admitting doubt, impure thoughts/actions, sin, etc is not very fun. I want people to think well of me. Thirdly, accountability is tough because if someone asks us the tough questions and we answer honestly then we then feel the need to take action. Choosing to change something that we know is wrong can be incredibly difficult. Lastly, accountability takes time and hey, we have such busy lives, right?

Yet, if we really want to grow, if we really want to mature, if we really want to throw off sinful behaviors and replace them with Christ-like ones then choosing the way of accountability is where it is at. It is the road less travelled. Personally, I have only experienced consistent, chosen accountability for a few very short times in my life but wow, were they ever powerful! The iron of my soul was sharp. My prayer is that someday I am courageous and blessed enough to find it again. How about you?

Does Your Team Have The HOTS?

I recently read about the HOTS concept in the One Minute Millionaire (see my review here). HOTS stands for:

Hare - Creative Types, but bad at follow-through.
Owls - Planners and go-getters.
Turtles - Cautious Types who point out issues.
Squirrels - Details oriented person who get the job done.

(Want to know what kind of "animal" you are? Try this quick test and feel free to share if you agree or not in the comments).

The theory is that for a team of any kind to create success, the more balanced it is in these kind of personality types the better. Too much of one thing is not good. Each animal type one has it’s own strengths to leverage to make the team successful. For a more in depth description of the different animal type, check out this link. Then I invite you to take the quick quiz to see what kind of animal you are here. Interestingly enough, I am definitely a hare. I love ideas, brainstorming, creative challenges, out of the box thinking, etc.

What's also interesting is that while I am a hare, my wife is a turtle. While I love nothing then to brainstorm creative ideas (I find this fun), Jobina enjoys finding and pointing out potential problems in everything I come up with! We grappled with this early on in our marriage and while it was initially discouraging for me, I have come to peace with it. I now see it as an added challenge to come up with ideas that she can't easily crush - then I know they have some real potential! When I chose to see her "pointing-out-the-flaws" nature as a good way to make my idea generation even better then I became much happier. Interesting stuff! If you'd like to see how to apply this theory to your team, check out this chart.

A Book A Week Challenge Update

Someone asked me the other day how my A Book A Week self-challenge is going. Well right now I think I have about 19 books left to read by the end of the year. So I’m a little (OK, maybe a fair amount) behind but I think it will be pretty close. I’m going to read hard this week and then hopefully do two a week for the last two months of the year. It has been a very interesting experience so far! A few things I’ve noted:


-It is easier for me to read the books then to write the reviews – in fact my loathing of writing book reviews (a necessary step for me in this challenge) sometimes holds me back from reading more!

-A book a week is almost too much for me if I’m reading lots of deep books. Some books need more time to be reflected on. One way I found to alleviate this issue is to alternate reading deep books and non-deep/fiction books.

-I can’t approach reading as a discipline – instead I need to approach it as me being making time to feed my passion for it. Reading needs to be my faithful servant, not my demanding master.

-I can’t be reading more then three books at a time (2 is my comfortable limit) if I want to really enjoy the experience. Therefore I actually have to discipline myself to not pick up new books until the others are done! This is very difficult.

-Variety is the spice of life – and I’ve noticed that the more variety in the books I read the happier I am, the more I read, and the more I learn.

You Never Know What You Could Get . . .

"Success is the child of audacity."
- Benjamin Disraeli


I'm very fond of reminding my wife that "you'll never know what you could get unless you ask." The reason I like this saying is that this truth never ceases to amaze me. When I was telling my friend Mike about this the other day, he reminded me of the first time I had used this in his presence. We were both walking back to our classes at Briercrest Bible College (in the sprawling metropolis of Caronport, SK). Our Dorm, Lewis Apartments was the furthest away dorm and so we had to walk past several houses to get back to our rooms. One the way we noticed a man outside his house admiring what appeared to be a brand new sports car. We talked with him and he explained that yes, he had just took possession of his shiny new car. On a whim I asked "How would you feel about me taking it for a little spin?" I didn't expect him to answer but he laughed and said "sure." A few minutes later Mike and I were driving around Caronport in a super nice sport car! All because I had the audacity to ask.

At a wedding out in Morweena this weekend I was part of something similar. The wedding was very cool and creative (congrats Jalysia and Randy!) and everyone who wanted one was given a glass bottle of coke to drink. My buddy Jay asked if we could get another one from our "waitress" who responded that she wasn't allowed to give out anymore. This was disappointing but I comically asked her if she accepted bribes. Jay seized the moment and offered her $5 if she'd get us two bottles of coke. She looked flustered and left. Jay was serious though and put a $5 bill under his empty bottle and when the waitress returned she looked even more flustered and awkward. After she left again we laughed at her discomfort and didn't expect anything else. But a few minutes later she zipped by, took the $5, and left two cold cokes for us both to drink! It was funny but also a lesson in opportunity. I made a comment, Jay took action, and the reward was some good laughs and some cold drinks. Coke tastes better when you work for it.

I saw an ad about a month ago on kijiji for a gift certificate for Falcon Trails Resort, Jobina and I's favorite get-a-way in Manitoba. The certificate was worth $1750 and the owner was asking $1500 for it. If you've ever been to Falcon Trails you know that this place is worth paying full price at, and a $200 discount off of a week during the high season is nothing to be sneezed at. I emailed her and politely asked if she'd consider an offer of $900! She countered at $1400 and I countered at $1000. She wouldn't budge from $1200 so I offered $1050 - final offer. We were at an impasse so I told her I'd look around and if I changed my mind I'd get back to her. This was about 2 weeks ago. I'd given up hope when on Friday I got an email saying that she'd woken up that morning and although she had another offer, my email was the politest and so she was willing to sell for $1050! We sealed the deal today and we were able to save ourselves $700 on our vacation for next year.

If you know me you know that I'm not very smooth, well spoken, or above average in my ability to negotiate. But I do have one trait that I'm trying to develop - audacity. The audacity to assertively ask for things - and see what happens. It's not that hard! If you have any stories on how you got something just by asking, please share them here and inspire us!

Luck and Opportunity

"You'll always miss 100% of the shots you don't take." - Wayne Gretzky


Recently I got lucky. Or did I?

I was at my children's school for a 50th Anniversary Tea. Basically it was a night of honoring the past staff, remembering good times, and celebrating the school in general. I was admittedly a little bored. In the foyer when we came in I noticed they were having a silent auction. There were about 25 prize packs to win with a bag next to each of them where you could put in a ticket if you purchased it. Some of the items looked pretty nice. I also noticed that there seemed to be alot of prizes for the amount of people attending. My quick guess was that there less then 150 people there, meaning that they had a gift for every 6 people. Since probably a lot of people weren't going to buy tickets that meant my odds looked good, quite good in fact. So I quickly bought 3 tickets for $5, deposited one ticket in three of the bags that looked interesting, and endured the rest of the evening (that is a whole other story which perhaps I will someday share).

The next day the principal of the school left a message on my machine - I had won something! I'd like to say I was surprised but I wasn't. The odds seemed to be too much in my favor. I asked Jobina if she'd mind stopping by the school and picking up my prize. She called me later and asked me if I wanted to know what I'd won. It turns out I had won two of the prizes (one prize was 2 bottles of wine and some chocolates, the other was a Garmin GPS and some slurpee mugs). Huzzah! The GPS alone is worth over a hundred dollars so I think this was a pretty good return on my "investment."

Did I get lucky? Absolutely. Winning two of the prizes does seem that way. On the other hand, the odds were extremely good. In fact I would have been surprised if I hadn't won something. All I did was see an opportunity, weigh the odds, and take action. I think that when it comes to investing (or relationships) you kind of have to do the same thing. Yes, there is always risk. But if you see the opportunity, carefully weigh the odds, and choose to take action then more often then not you get the prize. Each of those stages - see the opportunity, discern, take action - is critical. I have messed up on all three of these stages many times but when you do all three correctly you win much more then you lose. Question: What stage are you prone to mess up on? And what could you do about it? Being honest with ourselves (I'm weakest in the 2nd stage) is the quickest way to changing and improving ourselves . . .

Where Were You?

Today I spent a bit of time reflecting on 9-11 as it was the 9 year anniversary since that terrible day. I've heard older people say that they can remember where they were when JFK was shot, or when the moon landing happened. For my generation it will definitely be 9-11. So here's my question: Where were you?

I was living in Mennville, MB at the time youth pastoring and camp directing. That morning Jobina had gone to work at the local school as an EA and I was sitting at home waiting for my friend Grant to come over. Grant and I were planning to do some mountain biking in the illustrious Howardville Pits which were a 5 minute ride from my house (ah, I miss those trails). For some reason I turned on the TV and was shocked to see a large tower smoking. I listened incredulously as the announcer talked about a plane crashing into one of the Twin Towers and then was even more shocked when the other plane hit (I saw it in real time). I remember feeling a great consternation and confusion. Was this the end of the world, some kind of sign of the end times? I found my general sense of "feeling safe" shaken as the world began to react in fear. When Grant arrived we watched for an hour and then to help calm our nerves . . . we went biking. Singletrack is almost always therapeutic.

When I think about it now I feel kind of sheepish to have felt the fear I did but I'm honest enough to admit it. Doubt creeps in pretty quickly when you are confronted with the unknown. May God bless those who lost family and friends in the attacks.

The Devil's Yard Sale

I read this story by Don Mondell recently in a newsletter. It's worth repeating and sending to your loved ones:

One day, the Devil laid out his gleaming, razor-edged tools upon a worn and ancient wooden table. He announced a "fire" sale and carefully marked the price upon each tool:

ANGER: $100, RESENTMENT: $400, HATRED: $600, etc.

Each tool sold almost as quickly as it was placed upon the table. Toward the end of the day, a crooked old man in tattered rags approached. The man eyed the tools that remained, but was taken by a certain tool at the end of the table. The tool resembled the two long and bowed fangs of a viper. Its chrome-like pointy tusks caught the sun and sent flashes of blinding light everywhere. With one hand, the old man blocked his eyes from the glare and with the other, he reached for the tool. As he grabbed hold, the tool's steely, needle tips nearly pierced his hand. This seemed to please the old man. He snatched up the tool and held it to his chest. With a glint in his eye, the man asked the Devil, “How much for this one?” “I’m sorry, that tool isn’t for sale,” the Devil replied. Without hesitation, the man said, “But I’ll pay double. I know how valuable it is.”

The Devil narrowed his eyes and hissed, “Sir, I’ve told you, that tool is not for sale, nor will I ever sell it. It is the most useful tool I own and without it, I wouldn't be half as effective in my work. With that tool alone, I can accomplish my every task. Now good day, sir.” Dejected, the man looked once more at the shiny tool, then slowly placed it on the table. With almost a whisper, he said to the Devil, "If I can't buy it, would you, at least tell me its name?" A slow and wicked grin grew across the Devil's face. "Of course, old man, its name is... Discouragement."

Robert South said, “Defeat should never be a source of discouragement but rather a fresh stimulus”. Discouragement is not the absence of adequacy, but rather the absence of courage. Hence “disCOURAGEment”. Don’t quit. You can do it. It’s always darkest just before the dawn, you know. Hang tough. Discipline yourself to keep your eyes on your goal and know this: The difference between dismal failure and magnificent success is the ability to keep on and not become discouraged.