Book Review: Waiter Rant

Book Review: Waiter Rant: Thanks for the Tip -- Confessions of A Cynical Waiter By Steve Dublanica

According to the author there are basically three kinds of waiters:

1. People trying to become something else
2. People's who's lives are falling apart
3. People stuck somewhere in the middle.

Waiter Rant is about a man who goes through all three. It is birthed out of his famous blog about an accidental waiter's thoughts and experiences working at an upscale New York eatery. A man who went to seminary and was bent on becoming a priest, Steve journals his journey that found him ending up as a waiter. An avid reader he blends his theological background, philosophy, psychological insights, dry humor, and naked authenticity into a fascinating story. Of course there are all the crazy stories on how he exacts revenge on customers (his strategic use of flatulence make one's blood run cold), the obligatory horror stories of customers freak outs, debauchery among staff and patrons, and rants about the ethics of tipping. But more, he shows the human side of the approximately 2 million Americans who live the life of a server. Life being a server is not easy and his insights into the challenges and lives of restaurant workers can make you hate them one minute, disgusted at their evil antics, and the next minute getting a lump in your throat as you hear their stories of heartache and pain.

Reading this coarse, crude, and surprisingly vulnerable story of one man's accidental falling into "the industry" brought many flashbacks. It was only eight months ago I too was a server, working my way through school, and it was truly a different world. I miss it. I feel it is a humble and noble occupation, but I feel I've moved on. I too have stories of debauchery, entitled guests, kitchen dramatics, and management errors that would make your head spin. But the stories that stand out to me the most are the common stories of people trying to make their way in the world. Their dreams and hopes. I miss the people. We were at a wedding recently where we were served by servers and I noticed that most of the people at our table treated the servers like they were barely there - no please, no thank you, no smiles. I on the other hand made sure I did all of these things but I worry that I too will forget what I learned - that waiters are people too and deserving of respect and honor.

I struggle to recommend this book as it is so crude (if it was a movie it would be rated "R" or higher), but something in it did touch me. I leave you with one of my favorite pieces from the book. Steve is burning out as a server. During another long night he's just had to go through the uncomfortable situation of asking a tipsy patron to leave. A lady at one his tables says to him:

"I always tell my husband you're a great waiter," she says. "very capable."

"Thank you."

The woman looks at me. She's about fifty, her her faces shows the life she's led, but her eyes are warm and young.

"But overly capable," the woman says. "I saw how you handled that woman. I was watching. You're more then just a waiter. Aren't you?"

I smile broadly. Customers can be very observant.

"Yes, Madam," I reply. "Yes I am."

Never, ever . . .

You should never, ever try to steal a waiter's tip. If you do, this might happen. Don't say I didn't warn you!

Terrible

This is in regards to the "*" in my last post:


At OG the other day (my last day) I had an unsettling experience. Courtney, one of the servers and I were talking. I asked her how her last night had been. "Terrible!" she said. "I made no money. Remember your friend, the one who is training to be a minister, who was in here last night? He and his friend had, like, six bowls of soup each and stayed for forever. And then? They stiffed me. What's worse is that I knew they would."

I felt myself wincing. The "friend" they were talking about was a Christian I know. I don't know him very well but . . . "Well," I stammered, "he's not exactly a friend, but more of an acquaintance. But as far as I know, he's not planning to become a minister. What makes you think that?"

Courtney warmed to the subject "Well, him and his friends sometimes have their Bibles when they come in. They always run me ragged and give me $%@& in return. Oh, and last night he looked me in the eye and said 'Thank you so much for the excellent service.' Everyone here knows him and us veterans refuse to serve him if we see him come in. When he and his family come in for pasta bowl they run us off our feet and always leave nothing. I'm never going to serve him again. I know he's your friend and everything but I thought you should know. . . "

I sighed to myself and shook my head. Why do Christians do this? This person probably has no idea that he is known as being a stiffer and that he is known as being a Christian. As you know from my previous posts here and here, I believe strongly that Christians ought to tip in this culture, whether they feel like it or not. I don't care what your principles are, if everyone tips and you don't you look like garbage - that's the simple truth. My "friend" here is totally destroying his witness (not to mention Christians in general) by not tipping and then giving the "verbal tip" as a final insult. It's distressing because he should know better. It's appalling really.

"Well, I guess I need to talk to him," I said. The problem is, when people should know better, what can actually help them to see the light? What can break them out of their idealogical view that "I don't get tipped for my job, why should I tip someone else? " kind of thinking. I have had very little success so far in helping people see how their actions hurt others (including our witness as Christ followers) and changing someone's heart so that they actually want to tip generously seems even more daunting. Yet, I know that shouldn't hold me back.

I can't change his ideas or his actions and I can't control him. But I feel like I should at least give him some feedback, some information for growth. He should know that:

1. The servers at OG know he is a Christian.
2. The servers at OG think he is cheap and that he works them hard for no reward.
3. The servers at OG recognize him when he comes in, speak badly of him, and don't want to serve him (sometimes refusing to!).
4. Wether it should be or not, his decision not to tip puts him in a group of less then 8% of our guests and is hurting his witness considerably.


I would also frontload him for it by letting him know that I have some information for growth for him but that I only want to share it with him if he thinks he can take it. It might be upsetting, embarassing, and he may or may not like it. He might feel some angry thoughts towards me for sharing it. He may not also agree with it, but it is honest and is not judging motives. I would leave it up to him to decide if he would want me to proceed.

It's sad because this kind of information could destroy any chance of he and I having a relationship, but it would be speaking the truth and I would only do it if I was feeling like I could do it in a loving way. What do you think, should I do it? What do you think of my approach? Would you do it differently (add or subtract anything)? I guess I'm looking for some feedback on my proposed feedback. The easiest thing would be to ignore it, especially now that I'm not waitering anymore. But if I was in his shoes I'd want someone to care enough about me to let me know the impact my actions were having on others (and especially on my witness) . . .

May Light increase!

Finito

Well I had my last day of waitering this past Saturday. Jobina says its the last part of my "student" experience and I guess she's right. I had mixed feelings as I left Olive Garden on Saturday afternoon. Joy, but much sadness as well. As we would say in LiMiT terms, I am experiencing the loss of community.

When I first decided to go back to school I was a 1/2 time youth pastor at Mennville EMC church and a half time camp director at Beaver Creek Bible Camp. Both of these jobs were secure (as far as I know!) and I'm sure I could have stayed longer. Instead though I felt it was time for a change and we moved to Winnipeg and I took some courses at the U of M and then applied at Providence Seminary. I had originally wanted to go to Trinity Western in BC but the cost seemed to much. Prov was cheaper and their program had more practicum (practice) which I thought was a good thing.

To make ends meet I knew I needed to get a job. I thought non-profit would be a good place so I applied at a few, going so far as to be in final selection froup for Heart and Stroke's Volunteer Coordinator, but nothing worked out. Realizing that money was needed quickly, I got a job at Chapters. Though I felt the job was beneath my experience and qualifications it was quick money so I took it. I liked Chapters - one of the employee perks is that you can take home any book you want and read it - you own personal library! That lasted only a few months though as my back hurt working over the counters. M friend Jay, a former student from Mennville offered to get me a job at the Olive Garden where he worked and I took the plunge. I had waitered before during my summer in college (8 years previously), how hard could it be?

Actually it was quite hard. OG was a lot tougher then Lakeview Resort in Gimli. Being a laid back youth pastor doesn't prepare you very well for intense waitering. Also, restaurants are quite . . . um . . . pagan (sorry, I don't know how else to describe it). It was a shock to hear the kidns of things from people that I did - and to not have any authority to tell them to smarten up! I struggled there for many months, trying to learn the menu and multi-tasking skills necessary to be succssful. I'm not sure but if OG hadn't spent so much time and money training me I think they would have let me go. I was that bad.

Eventually though I got to the point where I was "decent" or possibly even "mediocre" and I kind of coasted. Deep down though I felt a little ashamed about my job- it was difficult to humble myself and I fought against it. Being a past leader of two ministries, it was hard to now be on the bottom again. Basically I had pride issues. Eventually though I remembered what servanthood was really about and got into my groove. By the time I left I wasn't amazing or anything but I'd say I was pretty good. And instead of feeling weird about being a waiter, I was OK with it. Did you know that many servers are students training to be doctors, nurses, scientists, teachers, etc? In fact some of them are teachers and entrepeneours who work waiter on the side. After a shift it is not uncommon to see a server reading a textbook and cramming for a test or exam. Some of the smartest people I know are servers so keep that in mind the next time you feel like talking down to one of them!

Anyway, I developed a lot of friends at Olive Garden and began to get into their lives. I loved listening to their stories and watching the ebb and flow of relationships. Occasionally I would even give advice and suggestions to people about their relationship woes and it always encouraged me if they came back and said it had helped. Also, I was able to have conversations about God, faith, the Bible, and ethics. Waitering helped me expand my social skills I think - greeting several new people every hour helps to do that. As I said goodbye to people, many said they'd miss me and I believed them - I'll miss them too. I shook many hands and received a few heartfelt hugs. I never thought I'd say it, but I'm even going to miss serving guests. There is something good for the soul in serving people the basics of food and drink, and especially in doing it well. I will miss you Olive Garden.

What did I learn by waitering? So many things! But here are a few:

1. Servers are people too, we ought to treat them like they are.
2. Tipping a server poorly can literally ruin their entire night.
3. Many servers who have the most wild lives are still spiritually searching (and open about it).
4. Rude, cheap, and thankless Christians are in abundance and seem strangely blind to the fact that they ruining their witness* to servers again and again.
5. People tip less according to the level of service but more according to the positive emotional effect a server has upon them (this is scientifically proven by the way).
6. All positions in a restaurant are humble ones with dishwashers being the most and hostesses having the job most open to abuse.
7. The average restaurant workers is sensation seeking, experiential, expressive, moody, dramatic, and socially gifted. This makes them a lot of fun to be around. Contrast this with a group of safe accountants for instance and I know who I'd rather see at a party!
8. Servers are just like everybody else; they are looking for love and purpose.
9. Women (hanging out together) are more perverted (and scarier) then men.
10. Verbal tipping instead of cash tipping is the worst insult you can give a server. If you like your server, show it! Talk is cheap, cash is not.
11. Sometimes the sanest and wisest person in the restaurant is the dishwasher.
12. Trying to reason (and change) an angry guest's mind is the worst use of your time ever.
13. A guest's bad experience may be your ticket to a much bigger tip then if they had enjoyed themselves (if you handle it right and get them there meal for free).
14. People work better for an incentive then they will without one.
15. Grace, even in a restaurant, is contagious.

*More on this in tommorrow's post.

The End of An Era

Dec 5, 2008

Dear Linda and Management Team,

I am writing to inform you of my decision to resign from my position as a server at Olive Garden (on Reenders). My last available working day will be December 20th, 2008.

For the past few years I have worked at Olive Garden as I completed my Masters in Counseling Psychology and I have appreciated the flexibility and graciousness you have shown towards me with my student schedule. My new counseling practice requires more time and focus, thus necessitating me leaving OG.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank you and Darden for having me as part of your team and for taking a chance on me when you hired me. I have enjoyed my time with you and the staff and I wish you all the best for the future.

Yours sincerely,

Mark Westman

Serving Dilemma

Sometimes when you are a waiter you find yourself in an awkward situation that your really weren't prepared for. Usually they involve you figuring out "on the fly" how to handle certain customer situations were whatever you say or do has the potential to fix or destroy the dining experience of your guests. Last night one of the new waiters told me about a predicament he was recently in. An older couple came in and sat in his section. He greeted them and they seemed nice, if not a little bit eccentric. When he finally got around to asking them what they wanted it went a little something like this:

Dustin: "OK, so have you decided what you'd like today?

Both: "Yes."

Dustin: "Alright, what can I get for for you?"

Older Woman: "I think I'll go with the Tour of Italy."

Dustin: "OK . . . and would you like -"

Older Man: "She'll get the Fettucini Alfredo."

Dustin: (taken aback) "Sir?"

Older Man (to wife) "You always get the Fetucini Alfredo!"

Older Woman "I want the Tour."

Older Man "She wants the Fettucini Alfredo."

(Long pause as Dustin feels awkward and both patrons look at him earnestly)

Dustin: "Um . . . thank you. I'll be back in a few minutes . . ."

So the question is what should a server do in this situation? What should he write down as the lady's order? And what should he say/do (if anything) when he eventually brings the main courses? I'll let you know what Dustin said (and did) in the comments later on and how it affected his tip!

P.S. The painting is "Table For Two" by Michael Flohr.

The Forgiveness Question: Part 1

Over the past few months I've started to develop a habit of asking those I work with at OG each day one deep question. Someone started referring to it as "the question of the day" and it kind of stuck. Anyway, I was thinking a lot about forgiveness (and the physiological/psychological/spiritual benefits of it) and so I asked Leslie the bartender out of the blue, "Leslie, how many people have you not forgiven?" Everyone in the area stopped and began to talk. When I first started asking people the question, I had a few hypotheses but they were all proven wrong. Some of the people who are the most emotional and expressive told me that there was noone they hadn't forgiven. Conversely, some of the most pleasant and kind people told me they had several people they hadn't forgiven - and they planned on never forgiving them! Lots of intensity and soul searching from this simple question. One person first told me "noone I can think of of, but I feel like there is someone, I just can't think of who." Later on they came back to me and told me they figured out who it was - it was themself. "I can forgive everyone but myself . . . for some really bad things I've done. I just can't get over it." Wow.

Anyway, I pose the question to you, gentle reader: How many people have you not forgiven? And if you feel very authentic and daring, what are your reasons?



P.S. The painting is by Gilbert and George, 1982.

The Ballad of Ratface

"Judge not that ye be not judged . . ."
- Jesus, Matthew 7:1

It's been awhile since I shared a waitering story so here goes. First a little prologue thought; if you tip poorly, treat servers ignorantly, or do illogical things in a restaurant . . . servers will notice. And they will tell others. And if you return to the restaurant a few more times (sometimes only more time) the servers will give you a nickname. Trust me, you don't want this.

I remember serving a lady known as "the seafood lady." Her trick was to always come in with a friend, let the server know she was severely allergic to seafood, and then her friend would order seafood. Seriously, this happened every time. So of course the kitchen would go to great lengths to make sure that everything that cooked the seafood lady's meal was uncontaminated with anything fishy. Great lengths. Eventually when the food was brought out (on separate tray's) the two ladies would begin to eat. The server would check in and everything seemed well. A little later the seafood lady would excuse herself and go to the ladies room. When she got back she always had a rash on her neck - an allergic reaction to seafood. Apparently she did this by scratching her neck while in the washroom. She almost always got her meal for free!

Another guy was know as "the chicken marsala guy." He was a man of Indian origin and although he was a nice man his accent was so thick that no one could understand him. Imagine trying to take a man's elaborate order (as he always customized his entire meal) and asking him to repeat it over and over again until you get so sick of asking him so you just "guess" what he wants. Every server's nightmare.

One regular at our restaurant caused anger just by showing up at the front door. Dubbed "Twoonie Terry," this gentleman only tipped $2, no matter how big his bill was or how good his service was. I have never seen servers as rude to a person as they were to this man. Knowing how much exactly (and it's usually way less the standard) a tip you are going to get is an instant way to get servers testy. I don't like to admit it but I have seen this man come in and prayed that God would let him get seated in my section. These days the hostesses usually give him to the newer servers who don't yet know him. It's sad to see the crushed look on their face when they go check the table after a meal - but you are so glad it wasn't you!

Anyway, fast forward to tonight. I had just started serving a two top and went to punch in their drink orders when Johnny came up to me grinning. "Do you know who you're serving? You got 'Ratface.'" Johnny snickered at me. "I served him a little while ago. I gave him amazing service. No problems at all, the food was great, service was perfect. He didn't even give me 10%!" I won't go into the details on how his nickname came about - kids can be so cruel. Now Johnny is a really, really good server. He always makes a lot of money. Not a good sign for me. Another server Lisa also chimed in that she too had served the ratman. Ratface had apparently put a hair in his food and pretended it had been there all along. Even after the kitchen had made him a new one he had still wanted it for free! He then tipped her poorly. Lisa and Johnny both laughed at me and wished me "luck." Johnny outright said that if he couldn't even make 10 percent there was no hope for me. I thanked them for their encouragment.

What to do? Some servers would give up at this point and give these people terrible service because they don't expect a tip. Other might just do the opposite - suck up like crazy and try to give the best service they've ever given. I thought about both of these strategies. The pressure to go along with the judgment against him was very strong, but I steeled myself and decided to do something different. Trying to erase the words about this man from my mind, I decided to give good service, not react to anything ignorant, and try to be my authentic self (in other words not do anything out of the ordinary). Good, but not over the top service. "I will not prejudge you! I will not write you off Ratface!" I whispered to myself.

The meal went off without a hitch. The couple was actually quite nice and even laughed at some of my conservative jokes near the end of the meal. The only thing out of the ordinary was that I gave them double the amount of mints I usually do. Later when I went back to the table to pick up their credit card slip I was shocked: they'd left me almost 20%. Yes! Usually I don't discuss my tips with anyone, but of course I had to show this off to Johnny and Lisa. They were suitably impressed and a little annoyed. I explained to them that it was because "I had skills." Mostly though I think it was a combination of chemistry, luck, decent service, and the refusal to give into a label. Ratface had been tamed! But more importantly, so had my mind, which was much more important.

Moral of this story; Don't judge people or listen to other people's judgments - it's social and moral laziness - you need to figure people out for yourself. Treat them based not on their appearances, descriptions, or actions. Treat them as they ought to be treated. If you're not sure about what that would look like, read the Gospels.

May Light increase!

"The Loving Thing To Do" & "Pre-Nups"

The other morning at Olive Garden it was very slow so all the "front of the house" staff were hanging out and discussing life. As often happens talk turned to relationships. First we talked about about committed dating ethics. Is it OK to seriously date someone if you are sure (or almost sure) that you would never marry them? There was quite a bit of discussion on this one. Most of the younger staff (16-22) thought that it was OK to be going out with someone (even if you didn't see the relationship going anywhere) because (1). It's better then being alone and (2.) It's better then being bored. The older staff disagreed: better not to "waste" your time and possibly break the other person's heart. If you really care about the person you won't live a lie and you'll break up with them as soon as possible to spare them the increased pain which will result when you eventually break up with them in the future anyway. It's the loving thing to do. Of course it's wiser not to start dating anyone who can't see yourself marrying but sometimes it isn't until we are seriously dating them that we realize "Nope, not gonna happen."

We also talked about pre-nuptual agreements: should people getting married get them? Many people though no - why marry someone if you don't trust them? Some disagreed though; you have to protect yourself they argued. As we talked it came to light that the people who thought pre nups were terrible were those who had never been cheated on! Anyone who was in a serious relationship and had been cheated on thought that a pre-nuptual agreement was necessary as you never know if your relationship is secure or not. This made me sad but I could understand it - once bitten, twice shy. I think there are probably some valid reasons for pre-nups, for instance if you are part of business and a divorce would jeopardize the business or your partners. It's a personal decision that I personally would never make, but I can't say it always the wrong thing for others.

Of course everyone agreed that if you were marrying a much richer person, pre-nups are definitely a bad idea! Restaurant staff are practical people after all.

May Light increase!

Stigma Is In The Eye Of The Beholder

I had an interesting experience at Olive Garden a week ago. I went to greet a table and was delighted to see that it was a former faculty member at Steinbach Bible College, a good man, who was now in a pastoral position. We chatted and caught up and all was well. He asked me about my future plans and I told him that I was beginning my counseling career but had decided to keep up waitering for the summer to pay the bills. "Hey, that's what you said last time I came in," he said. Just the way he said it seemed to connote something I have often felt from other ministry type people - basically the idea that waitering (or other "menial" work) is in some way a sub-par job choice that I should get out of as soon as possible (before I get stuck in it). The funny thing is that I recognize this prejudice because I used to share it.

Back when I was a youth pastor and camp director I would watch as fellow ministry professionals would leave behind their ministries for some totally unrelated job, often a humble one. One former camp director managed a luxury property. Another became a carpenter. A youth pastor told me he wanted to work at McDonalds. I often subtly looked down on these people, thinking that either they couldn't cut in it ministry or feeling sad that they had abandoned their "sacred calling." I'm ashamed to say it, but that's what I thought.

Imagine then my surprise when I decided to go back to school and realized that I needed to make some money to keep my family afloat. Since I couldn't take on a job that had too much responsibility I was forced to something more menial: waitering. It took me a long time to get over my own stigma against myself and to truly become comfortable with a non-professional job. That it is not so much what I do, but who I am as a person. A man (or woman) is not their job and God will not love them more or less if they are in ministry or mow lawns/pump gas/wait on tables. Waitering can be fun, fulfilling, and is rarely boring or overwhelming. I'm comfortable with the fact that at this point in my life I'm a waiter and it amuses me when other people (especially those in the ministry business) sometimes feel awkward with that. Yet I can't fault them as it was not too long ago that I shared the same thoughts and prejudices.

Men are especially bad at getting their identity from their jobs/careers. I'm reminded about Henry Nouwen, a Catholic priest, popular professor (Harvard, Yale, Notre Dame), and author who at the crux of his "success" decided that to preserve his own soul and rediscover God he needed to leave it all behind. He joined a L'Arche Community in Toronto and spent the next years of his life serving and living with mentally handicapped people. If you want to check out his story read "In The Name of Jesus," a short book about what he learned through this experience. When Nouwen left his old life behind he too struggled with who he was now that he wasn't an important leader and professor in the Catholic Church. Eventually he came to the same conclusions I have - Jesus cares a lot more about how you serve Him then the job you do. I will never look down on someone who decided not to forgo full time ministry and transition to something else, even something of humble means. There are so many noble and good reasons to and I do not want to pass judgment on any of them. Hopefully neither will you. And if you are in ministry and think you need to get out, hopefully you will have the courage to do so - no matter what you or others think about it. A stigma only has power if you choose to believe it.

May Light increase!

You, Your Waiter, and Grace

"Grace is is not just forgiveness and mercy, it adds the undeserved element of blessing." - Unknown

Last night I was sick but I had to go to work. Like, seriously sick. The kids have recently worked through a virus and I thought that I had evaded it (hah!) but it was not to be. Yesterday I came to work feeling weak, with a sore throat, and like my body had just gone through 10 rounds with Mike Tyson (or maybe Randy Couture?). Yet they needed me to work and I needed the cash so I came in. It was so bad that I nearly passed out at one of my tables! I could barely function. (Yes, I know, sick people shouldn't be working in restaurants. For myself I wash my hands even more constantly when I'm feeling under the weather, limit my contact with guest's plates/utensils, and generally take every precaution to be above board in sanitation.) Anyway, don't feel sorry for me being sick and having to work, after all, you've probably gone into work when you've been sick before.

The thing about waitering is that if you are feeling sick, depressed, etc., you are still expected to be positive, happy, fast, and competent. You don't come into a restaurant and expect your server to be anything but on the top of their game. But just like you get sick, so do servers. So before you just assume that your server is slacking (and for no good reason) - look a little deeper. Maybe things are out of their control (a backed up kitchen). Maybe they are feeling under the weather. Maybe it's that time of the month (seriously, I have seen this nearly cripple some of our female servers). Maybe they just had a family member or even a pet die. Maybe they are overwhelmed with exams at school. Or maybe they are in the middle of a deep spiritual battle or some other existential angst. You might think, "Well hey, then they shouldn't show up at work." In a perfect world I would agree. But like a fellow sick worker told me last night after I told her she should go home, "I have to work - I need the money." No ill or distracted server chooses to work when they are somewhat incapacitated because they like giving sub-par service. Usually it's because they have mouths to feed, rent due, or tuition to pay for. Should this be? No. Is it reality? Yes.

As a Christ follower, I am learning to give my server the benefit of the doubt if service is lacking. And really, I should do it with everyone. This is what grace is all about. Cheating on the tip, leaving a nasty little note, lecturing the server about their surliness, etc. without asking them if anything is wrong and inquiring gently about why service is lacking is not justice, is it gracelessness. Most likely you have been rude or angry with a server sometime in your life (as I have). Ask yourself this question: how has this helped them closer to experiencing the love of God? There is of course a time, a place, and way to share feedback with a server. If you were a server, how would you want a guest to voice their displeasure? Is it in the same way that you voice it to others?

The greatest display of grace a table ever showed me was after I had delivered them a truly terrible experience (some parts were my fault, some parts were the kitchen) they told me, "You seemed a little off today, hope everything is OK," and gave me a totally undeserved 20% tip. The fact that they had prayed together before dinner showed me they were "Christians," but their grace to me (by their compassion and their generosity) showed me that they were truly Christ followers. It was truly a God moment for me. They sacrificed their desire and right for justice for something much more powerful. And I was extremely moved by it.

May Light increase!

P.S. Perhaps you are taking your mother out for Mother's Day? Keep in mind that this is the busiest day of the year for restaurants. You server will most likely be very busy. Be gracious!

On Turning 18

Last night at Olive Garden I heard two young female bussers talking. They were both excited, very excited, about turning 18. "I can't wait to turn 18," said the first "it's only three months away!" "Oh yeah, well I'm less then a month away from turning 18," said the second. I wish you could have seen the rapturous anticipation in their eyes. To these young women, turning 18 is pretty much one of the most important milestones in their lives. "So why is turning 18 so important?" I asked innocently. They looked at me like I was an idiot, paused, and then both said in unison "Because then we can go to the bar!"

Like most teenagers these girls are no strangers to alcohol. They are both acquainted with inebriation and drunkenness. With their social networks getting access to booze is not the issue. The issue is that for them the bar is currently a forbidden zone. It is a social context that promises to allow them the opportunity to be accepted and to increase their social fortunes. Perhaps also a place to meet a great guy, have fun, and experience some excitement.

Personally, I have nothing against the idea of a bar (since I am not against alcohol per se) yet I admit to having a certain uneasy feeling when I hear teens looking forward to going to them so much. I have rarely graced bars in my life but I have had many friends who have. I think what I don't like about them is how for many they become the center of their entertainment and social lives. People get fixated and "stuck" in it. This is combined with the easy ability to get drunk, something that to me is pretty clearly contrary to God's will for us. Also there is the idea of finding someone at a bar. I know some people who have found a good mate in a bar, but it seems to me the majority do not. Meeting someone when you are both under the influence of alcohol seems like an unwise way to start a relationship. It also leaves you more likely to do something you'll regret. Bars are supposed to cut people off when they have too much but the truth is that there isn't enough incentive to do this. Inebriated people (as long as they aren't disruptive = more profits for bartender and bar). Drinking to excess is way too common.

Of course if I'm honest I can't really claim to be any sort of expert on the bar experience since I so rarely frequent them. And perhaps I'm overly biased against them. But for young, impressionable teenagers it doesn't seem like a good thing for most and downright dangerous for some. What do you think? Hopefully for these two young ladies they will enjoy their bar experience responsibly and in moderation and eventually find better places to spend most of their time.

May Light increase!

A Slight Tension In The Air . . .

Last night I worked at Olive Garden and had a really good night. The only small hiccup was that early in the evening I was double sat and my 3 table section was full when the hostess came up and told me they were giving me another table. "What?!!" I cried incredulously. "My section is full and you just double sat me!" Courtney the hard-nosed hostess said "Sorry, they requested you and said they didn't mind waiting for awhile to get service from you." I wondered who such patient guests could be. With no time to ponder it more I ran out drinks to my other demanding tables. While doing this I took a peek and saw that it was my good friends Jay and Sarah. Yes! Because I was busy, I let them sit there another few minutes while I got my other tables started. Then I went over to greet them. Greeting tables at Olive Garden means saying hi and dropping off drink coasters on the table. Coasters are the universal sign to other servers that "this table is taken - back off." However when I got to the table ...

There were already coasters! Nooooooooo!

"Hey guys, nice to see you. Has someone already come by the table?" Jay and Sarah looking slightly awkward. "Linda already came by and we weren't sure if you were too busy or not so . . ." "No worries," I said "I'll talk it over with Linda and see which one of us is serving you." I fully intended to diplomatically point out to Linda that my friends had asked for me and was sure it would be no problem to take back my table.

"Hey," I said to Linda, one of the feisty veteran servers who also served when Jay was a server here many moons ago. She's also a single mom. "Are you taking table 8? I believe they asked for me." "Oh really?" she said innocently. "They were seated in my section so I just went over and greeted them." I waited for her to offer the table back to me. She said nothing. Like in sales, the first person to talk usually loses. Silence ensued. Finally I said, "So what do you think we should we do about this?" Well done Mark, a solution focused question with the emphasis put on her personal choice - nice!

"Well, I guess you should take them since they asked for you," she said after awhile. I gave a sign of relief - the sweet sigh of victory! "Here's there drink order. It's too bad because they just gave away one of my other tables so now I'll be down to just one. And you'll have four." Her intense eyes bored into me powerfully. "I could give you table thirteen when they leave," I offered weakly. "Um, sure," she said in a way that betrayed that surely that was not OK . I walked away quickly with the drink order before she could say anything else.

I'd won the standoff! That's when my conscience got to me. I thought of Linda with her one table just sitting there while I worked four of them - on a Saturday night no less. Also, Jay and Sarah wouldn't have the best service from me since I'd be so busy and they couldn't stick around forever as they were going out afterwards. Also, I wondered if Linda the single mom would key my car later on - I believed she was capable of it!

I just couldn't do it. I went back to her. "Linda, why don't you take it," I said, "I already have four tables and you know Jay as well." "Really? I couldn't do that," she said in way that said that absolutely she would do that - in a heartbeat! "Yeah, you take em," I said sadly. "OK!" she said and walked away.

I think I made the right decision (even under duress) and although I didn't get to talk to my friends as much as I wanted, I did help them get better service and I helped out a single mom. Also, I saved my car from violent attack and that's a good thing too, right?

May Light increase!

Worst Job At The Restaurant? (Part 2)

(Click image to enlarge)


I found this from gregnog who once worked as an Olive Garden Host for awhile and made some comics up about it . . .

Worst Job At The Restaurant?

What do you think the worst job at a restaurant would be? Dishwasher? Cook? Manager? In my mind they all have significant minuses, but they all have pluses as well. In my humble opinion, the worst job is held by the hostesses/hosts.

I started thinking about this when I went to the front of the hostess station to ask if a table was mine and the host said "Don't hate me, they made me seat 17!" with a genuine look of fear in his eyes.

In many ways hostesses have no friends at a restaurant. They are continually in conflict. First, they are in conflict with the guests. You come into the restaurant and want to be seated - they make you wait. They are continually under the icy glare of patrons waiting to be seated. If they underestimate the time for a wait - bam, angry people! Also, guests can be incredibly unreasonable when it comes to waiting. "What, our party of 20 has to wait an hour after we came here without warning on a Saturday night? Are you out of your mind?!!" You'd be amazed at the abuse hostesses take from guests. Guest are ignorant to servers as well but at least they know the servers have control over their food and have some incentive to attempt civility. Hosts and hostesses are just obstacles to be overcome and by any means necessary. Hostesses just take crap, that's their unwritten job description. I believe that I have seen all of the hostesses cry or break down at our restaurant after being screamed at by angry guests. Yikes!

The hostesses are also in conflict with the servers. We either want them to seat us (cause we're bored) or not (because we are weeded). (Weeded means completely overwhelmed by the way). Hostesses are supposed to space tables out (5 or 10 minutes between new tables being seated in a servers section) but if a hostess is under pressure at the the front to get people in they will double seat (seat two new tables to a server in a short time frame) or triple seat. This kills most servers (leading to the aforementioned weeded state). Thus the server gets angry and freaks out at the hostesses. Also, servers usually want to get off their shift as soon as possible so if a hostess seats them when they want to go home - look out! Servers are usually emotional and expressive so when they get angry it's always fireworks. Servers see hostesses as a necessary evil whom they bless when times are good and curse (literally!) when they are bad.

Managers are always on the hostesses for getting more people quickly into the restaurant. Managers hate to see people waiting in the lobby. This pressure on the hostesses leads them to make errors like double/triple seating servers intentionally or by mistake. Sometimes in their haste to get people in they'll seat guests in a section that has no server yet. When this happens there is anger from 1. guest 2. servers 3. managers.

Lastly, hostesses when they are not busy stand around at the front where they gossip incessantly about . . . well . . . lots of things but mostly about each other. Thus the hostesses are actually often in conflict with . . . themselves! It seems to me that they are harsher critics on each others performance then anyone else in the restaurant. Stabbing each other in the back is both common and savage.

Through all of this stress the hostesses are supposed to be charming, warm, friendly, helpful, patient and professional. They don't (usually) make tips either. So the next time your sitting in a line at some restaurant, full of rage at the hostess who quoted you 15 minutes and it's now been an hour - remember; you are just one of her assailants today. Have pity on her, she's choosing everyday to be verbally abused and attacked so that you can have your dinner. Be gracious when the urge to be cruel to her comes up, you'll be in the minority who treat her well.

May Light increase!

JBo Knows: How To Get Good Service

Something I've tried to be conscious of when coming up with things to talk about during my tenure here at Random Enlightenment is writing about topics that Mark might discuss. Each post I've done I've been able to "Tag" without adding any categories that Mark hadn't (with the exception of the "Guest Blogger" tag, that was me), and today will prove no different.

While it's been a couple of years since I was a server in a restaurant, I have spent most of my working life in the hospitality industry. In fact, it was yours truly who got Mark hired on at the Olive Garden (I hope I don't need to apologize for that Mark!). To be honest, I've never left a job where I didn't get someone else hired on there before I left. If my employers knew of this trend they might never let me recommend anyone...

Anyway, using my experience as a server, I'm going to give you a few tips to help you get better service while you're out at a restaurant. Keep in mind these won't always work because quite frankly you might have a bad server.

1. Acknowledge your server.

If you're in the middle of a conversation when your server approaches the table, put it on hold for a moment and talk to your server. You can always pick up where you left off. As a server, standing there while your guests chatter away when you have other tables that need you as well is a huge frustration.

2. Listen to the person taking your order.

One of my biggest pet peeves working at the Olive Garden was the following conversation:

Jay: Can I get you something to drink while you look at the menu?

Guest: No, I'll just have a water.

You have no idea how much the smart alec that lurks within me wanted to bring out a glass full of ice.

3. Don't up and change tables without asking.

"Oh, that booth in the corner opened up, we should grab it!" If you want to be hated, please, change tables without asking. Actually, let me clarify; during the afternoon when the place is empty, not a big deal. Change tables unannounced when the place is packed? Hatred.

There is a reason for the hatred. When a restaurant is busy, there is a system to how people get seated. It's a combination of the following factors:

- Spreading tables out so the server doesn't have to start serving multiple tables simultaneously

- Ensuring that all servers get a table before starting the rotation over

- To ensure there is a server still working in that section (as business winds down staff start going home)

-To ensure you get seated as soon as possible

The Olive Garden has a sheet they use to help time how long you will have to wait for a table, and usually you get seated at the quoted time or sooner. People arbitrarily moving throws that all off. As well, the server that started serving you is now taking a table away from another server, or they'll have to trade, and either way it's a headache.

Just ask first. They won't say no. But they won't hate you either.

4. Put your cell phone away until you've ordered.

If you get seated and are talking on your cellphone, often your server won't approach your table until you're done; they don't want to interrupt your conversation. If your phone goes off, give them a call back once you've ordered. You'll get faster service that way.

5. Be cheerful, or at the least polite

If you treat your server nicely, they will do things for you. I know if I personally had a very pleasant person(s) I would do little things for them like bring them extra after-dinner mints, maybe give them their coffee for free, things like that. Now, it's not your job to make the server happy, you are there to receive a service, but if you're polite then there's no reason for the server to not provide you with great service.

Really, you can boil all of these down to "be polite", now that I think about it. If we all treated each other the way we'd like to be treated, the world would be a better place.

With great power comes great responsibility!

--JBo

Two New Beginnings (A Rant)

Today at work I heard two stories. One was encouraging, the other saddened me.

First I was talking with a waitress and asked her how her Christmas had gone. "Good," she said, she got a new hair style, new clothes, and she dumped her long time boyfriend. When I expressed my condolences she said it was OK. When I asked her why she broke up with him she said that basically he 1. had no ambition to do anything in life, 2. was always negative, and 3. he did "too many" drugs. This waitress is going to school to be a nurse and I never understood why she was going out with this cook who was crude, a substance abuser, and basically just a mean guy. She said that she broke up with him because she had to do it for her. He's told her that he will change for her (which of course he doesn't) and is imploring her to give him another chance. She told him that he needs to get off the drugs and change his life for himself, not for her. It seemed to me that she took a courageous step and will look back at breaking up with this guy as one of the best things she chose to do while in school. Good for her!

As I was reflecting on this, I found out that one of our bussers, a girl who is a hard working innocent teenager just started going out with one of the cooks. I don't know him as well, but I do know that he too is into drugs. I don't want to judge him, but immediately I was sad for this girl. I'm worried that she is making a mistake. Why are women attracted to the "bad guy" persona? I have seen this too many times where I work; a fairly innocent girl with the whole world ahead of her gets attracted to by a bad guy who leads her into all sorts of trouble, introduces her to more bad people and bad habits, treats her badly, then breaks her heart.


I wish I (or someone more knowledgeable) would do a seminar called "How to choose a good partner/not choose a bad partner." Maybe I should write a book! Watching a good girl (or guy) self destruct when they pair up with someone who is not good for them is soooo difficult to watch.

I'm convinced that too often when we are in love, we believe that our love can change the other person, make them better. The truth is that only that person can change themselves and it is rare for major change to happen. If we are honest enough with ourselves, we see sometimes that the object of our affection has some serious issues. To cope with this, we ignore them and reason with ourselves that we/time/God/etc. will change them so that we can be together and things will be good. Instead of choosing not pursue the person or waiting to see if the person will change, we assume and believe that somehow they will and then we're devastated when they don't. Ironic, isn't it?

May Light increase!

Football is Better Than What??

There is a cook who I work with at OG who likes to try to shock me with his messed up thoughts, perversion, bigotry, and general nonsense. A few days ago he asked me if I was excited about the big football game coming up. I said I was, but that I had only just lately started enjoying "The Game" and that really I’m kind of a bandwagon Bomber’s fan. He looked at me with a look of both disdain and pity. Yeah, I know people like that he said. I told him that he must be a big fan.

Oh, I am, he said, let me put it to you this way: I would rather watch football then have sex. Watching a good football game is better than the climax of lovemaking (OK, he didn't say it like that, I'm editing to keep this blog PG). I looked him in the eye. He was telling the truth! Then he told me that if it was a choice between watching the final game of the CFL or NFL or being present for his first child being born he would choose the game.

Wow.

I always feel sad when people tell me that sex is not very thrilling to them. I wonder what’s behind that. But seriously, football is better? Or better then being there for the birth of your first child? And is it only men who are guilty of this? I shake my head in wonder.

May Light increase!

Hell Hath No Fury . . .

So I was at Olive Garden the other day talking to my friend Cole when one of the newer waitresses who neither of us really know came up and interrupted our conversation:

Cole: I'm really excited about having kids someday.

Mark: Yeah, well kids are awesome though very challenging as well -

Waitress: (walks in and cuts me off) Yeah, so anyway, my EX boyfriend comes up to me and is like "I know you did it." "Did what?" "You know very well." "I have no idea what you're talking about." "Someone paintballed my car last night and I know you did it because you are the only one I know who is angry enough with me to do it." (The waitress here took a deep breath) "I love the idea that someone shot up your car with paintballs and I wish I had thought of it and then done it to you. I'd have enjoyed every moment. You deserve it, you ______!" "So did you do it?" "Did you see me do it?" "No?" "Well then, I guess I didn't do it!!!"

Mark: (still getting over the shock of having our conversation interrupted with this strange story) So . . . um . . . did you do it?

Waitress: Of course I did.

She then left to go see to her tables. Cole and I looked at each other. "Wow." Though I don't know this waitress very well, she comes across as calm, kind, and gentle. It's rather hard to imagine her opening up on her boyfriends car with a semi automatic paintball gun and cackling maniacally. Later on she came back to Cole and I:

Waitress: I'm not a psycho, you know. He deserved it.

Mark: Of course you're not. And we would never suggest anything contrary as that since it might cause you to get angry with us!

She laughed and then told us a little bit about their relationship. It seems that several times a week he would tell her he would do something with her and then "blow her off" by not showing up. Then he'd apologize and bring her flowers or something and she would forgive him. He also lied to her compulsively. One day he told her that he had a second job at McDonalds one day to explain one of his failed appearances. The next time she was at that particular McDonalds location, she asked if her boyfriend was in that day. They told her that he hadn't worked there for over two months. Needless to say, she finally broke up with him. Which then lead to her attack on his car.

My personal thoughts on the story: The guy acted like an incredible jerk/loser to her and her anger is not mostly at him, but at herself for putting up with him so long. Sometimes we are really angry with ourselves but since we don't want to hurt ourselves anymore, we take it out on others. I do this myself sometimes (usually taking out my frustration with my own poor decisions on my wife or children). I bet if you look honestly at your life, you do too. The trick is to acknowledge that you made some bad decisions and accept the consequences (and not take your own stupidity out on those you care about).



May Light increase!

Waiters Who Are Nauseated By Food

What if a waiter was really nauseated by food, what would that look like? This older but funny sketch seeks to answer this question. Enjoy and have a great weekend!



By the way, for those of you who are interested the first waiter is (a very young) Stephen Colbert and the second is Dana Carvey.