Thursday, October 15, 2009

Random Dating Wisdom

Here is a great dating principle from Cloud and Townsend's book "Boundaries in Dating" (which I highly recommend):

"Don't date anyone who you wouldn't have as a friend."

It seems obvious but people break this relationship rule all the time. I know I was guilty of doing it once and I still shake my head when I think about it! How could someone do this you ask? People often date people with only short term needs in mind; to alleviate loneliness, to build their self esteem, to resolve early childhood conflicts, to relieve boredom, etc. But after the white hot passion of romance waxes and wanes, will be left with a person who you will want to spend time with? If that person isn't someone you would think of as being a friend you will be in trouble. Usually the people we want as friend are those with similar values, with character's we appreciate and enjoy, and whose personalities endear us to them. Yet when we are looking for romantic partners we will sometimes ignore the fact that if we weren't interested in this person romantically we wouldn't be friends with them. And it gets us into terrible trouble sometimes.

If you are single then heed my advice: don't date anyone (or at least date exclusively) anyone who you wouldn't want as a friend. You'll thank me for it.

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