Monday, February 1, 2010

Book Review: The Sex Starved Marriage

Book Review: The Sex Starved Marriage by Michele Weiner Davis

I wish I could have taken a picture of people's faces when they see me reading this book! Ah, good memories. Anyway, as a counselor I'm always looking for resources to help my clients and I must say this is one that I think I'll be recommending alot. Michele Weiner Davis is a solution focused therapist and this book reflects her theoretical orientation - that is to say it is concise, practical, and full of solutions to a position that probably most couples will find themselves in at some point in their relationship. The book helps couples deal with the "desire gap" the difference in libido that most couples experience. Instead of getting depressed with your spouse, the author focuses on things that you can do to change things - in yourself and your spouse. I found the book very practical yet also very compassionate and understanding of what it is like from the higher sex drive partner and the lower one. There is a general introduction to the topic and then two large sections; the first on helpful ways for a low sex partner to improve the marriage and the second on ways the higher sex partner to improve the marriage. And by improve the marriage I mean have better, more satisfying sex, that both people enjoy.

The book is about sex but of course is about much more - the emotional needs that make up true intimacy. In some ways this is a book about love and marriage, with sex as the subtheme. I'd recommend it to any couple wanting to discover and grow in this important area. Sex books often tend to be either too scientific (boring), too theological (passionless), or too raunchy (graphic). This book seems to hit the sweet spot (no pun intended) in that it presents sex as a beautiful, hot, exciting, fun, and emotionally necessary part of marriage. It is visionary and down to earth at the same time. If you are daring enough (go ahead, I dare you) reading it together might be a great use of your married time. I give it 4.7 ninja stars out of 5.


Lindsey Dueck said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lindsey Dueck said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Marc Vandersluys said...

One of my pet-peeves is comments not appropos to the subject matter of a post, but I don't have your email address.

So, I shall tick myself off by leaving this comment.

Here's a post in which I quote that book I mentioned on Sunday. The author argues that nature films really do very little good in terms of raising people's awareness of environmental issues:

My apologies for the lousy way of telling you about it.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the great review! I appreciate it. Many couples in my practice have told me that it has helped them and after all, that's why I wrote it. Thanks again for the kind words.
Michele Weiner-Davis
Author of The Sex-Starved Marriage

Mark said...

Wow, a real life author commented on my blog. I'm amazed, humbled, and quite frankly shocked!

Marc, thanks for the link, it looks like a great read. I'll try to email you my email address sometime.

Anonymous said...

I read the book "Divorce Busting" by Michele Weiner-Davis when my marriage was in trouble. I begged my husband to read it, but he wouldn't. and we didn't make it after all. but, I really enjoyed the book and I have recommended it to others!