The Joy Of Dating

Reframe: To revise something in light of new information or a new way of thinking.

A couple of years ago I noticed something. If I asked Jobina if she wanted to go out to dinner and a movie she would usually be happy. But if I asked her if I could take her out on a "date" , her reaction was significantly better! Same thing, different wording, much different results. Somehow, the idea of going on a date seemed to be powerful thing to her. Later on, I realized it was a powerful for me as well. I thought about the event differently and then acted differently (hopefully in a good way!).

In counseling we refer to the process of reframing as a way to to find a different meaning for an experience or situation. As an example, for a woman feeling anxiety about her new job, a counselor might suggest reframing in a more positive light, as say feeling really excited about it. Reframing helps people to not just think about the negative of something that's happened to them, but focus on the positive instead. Or, in the case of me taking Jobina out on a date, it's helpful in that it takes something positive and puts it into an even more positive light.

So what is it about dating, that makes it so attractive? I'm guessing the answer is different for everyone. For most people though, it is time set aside for the two of you. It's also a time for fun, romance, and reconnecting. When I take my wife out for a date I'm telling her that she is special, desired, and important. Even if I suggest we have a date night at home, Jobina's mood picks up. The idea of dating is very special in our house. I'm not sure if reframing certain things as dating would work well for everyone, but I suggest you try it. Dating is very natural when people are getting to know each other, but it often (usually?) will fall by the wayside after marriage. Taking time to be together for the purpose of connecting is extremely good for any relationship. And to call a night out together "a date" just adds to the pleasure of it. And it doesn't always have to be men asking the women either. Women, invite your mate out on a date every now and then and eventually you'll find him reciprocating.

May Light increase!