Best Girl/Boy In Sight: Part 1

I've been meaning to post on this idea for awhile now and I've finally got the time. A few years ago my friend Dayna was with a drama/evangelism team called LifeFORCE and she told me that she learned about this theory in her bootcamp training. LifeFORCE in an intense experience; small teams of actors go out and spend a week in a place doing outreach dramas and developing relationships with the students in the area. LifeFORCE has a "no dating" rule for it's team members. In other words, relationships starting on teams creates an exclusive relationship which throws off team dynamics and is a major distraction for the team and the couple. Many ministries (and buisnesses) have similar rules.

Anyway, to help the LifeFORCErs cope with the inevitable attractions that occur on such teams, they were taught about the principles of BGIS and OGIS (Best guy/girl in sight.... ONLY guy/girl in sight). Basically the theory is that when you are in a group setting (even if it is a non-official group like a bunch of friends) you will always pick out the BGIS or OGIS.

For the most part I agree that BGIS occurs. It seems especially strong in adolescence. The basic drive is to find that person, to impress that person, possibly even to mate with that person. As long as you are aware that this is simply a way of thinking, it is manageable and even good (after all we were designed for relationship, romance, etc). Problems can occur though:

1. A person can't stay committed to any one person. They are always chasing the next BGIS. They believe that since they find someone more attractive then the person they have (something that inevitably must happen), they must cheat on or dump the person they are with and pursue the new one.
2. Counselors, doctors, etc who do a lot of one on one work (and are in a position of power/responsibility/authority over others) end up pursuing their clients. Always destructive.
3. Younger persons moving into marriage. They are confused because they are in love with their fiancee but find themselves attracted to and distracted by others. Guilt and indecision haunt them.

I talked to one guy in the above situation. He asked me what I thought he should do. I told him "stop checking out other women!" I saw him as a good guy who was trying to hold onto his old beliefs and patterns of BGIS. Just because you notice other attractive people does not mean that you are:
-powerless to stop from pursuing them mentally or physically
-not supposed to marry the person you are committed to

The next time I talked to him he was engaged and at peace. He realized that BGIS didn't have to rule his life. He didn't try to believe that he he was a bad person for noticing other women, but he stopped "checking them out" and adding fuel to a fire that he didn't need. He committed to his fiance (now wife) and is happily married. Handling BGIS and OGIS is one of those essential life skills that can mean the difference between happiness and broken dreams. More on this later . . .

May Light increase!