At the restaurant today I was talking with two girls informally about their relationship issues:
1. The first girl told me that every guy she has ever gone out with has cheated on her! Ironically this girl comes across as a confident and competent young lady. Yet when she describes herself she says she is a "loser magnet." So what's the problem: does she have some sort of genetic ability to attract unfaithful boyfriends? Or does she subconsciously chase guys who are below her, not thinking she is good enough to attract a "quality guy?" Or is it simply that she has just been extremely unlucky? Or is she doing something in each of these relationships that is causing the guys to cheat on her? Or maybe something else?
2. A second girl told me that she lives with her boyfriend (of three years) for the past 3 years. Usually their relationship is really good. For the past week though he has been giving her the cold shoulder. He refuses to communicate with her, avoids her, and when she asks what is wrong he says "nothing." This of course is stressing her out. She knows something is wrong but she doesn't know if it is something she did or something with him because he won't talk to her. I gave her some advice but I'm curious to know what others would say to her.
OK, you armchair Dr. Phil's - what are you insights and advise if you were in my place??!! Feel free to comment one either scenario (or both).
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3 weeks ago
2 comments:
Oooooo I love it when you bring out the "Dr. Phil" in me! :)
1. I think there are a lot of things that bring on infidelity. A lack of caring for the partner's feelings, disrespect, lack of attention, inability to communicate about issues before they get big (this goes for both parties involved), a need to feel the rush of "new love"...just to name a few. I think that the causes of infidelity go both ways but the final decision to be unfaithful rests on one person alone. I think that your theories on the reasons why she keeps dating these guys are all partly true with the exception of the genetic thing. She may want to work on her communication skills and make sure the next guy she dates has equal or better communication skills than her!
2. That's a tough one. I've been in that situation and when I was finally presented with the issues, it was almost too late to rectify the situation. In the meantime, I prayed, a lot!! I had other people pray, and I treated him with as much love as I could, let him know that I was there to talk to, and let go of my worry. Easier said than done but it's possible.
There you go, my Dr. Phil moment is over...
Michele
Update: the girl in the second scenario took my advice and implemented it "stop chasing him (interrupt the cycle)and he will open up to you." She did it and immediately he told her everything that was bothering him (little had anything to do with her). Nice! I love it when my advice actually works sometimes.
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