The widespread experience of remarriage is so common now in the United States that 30% of all weddings produce a step family and approximately one quarter of all American children will see at least one parent divorce twice (Deal, 2007).
I'm doing a paper right now on Divorce and Marriage from a Christian and psychological perspective. Wow, it is really heavy. This is kind of a sensitive topic and since my thoughts are evolving on as I look at Scripture and various interpretations, I'm not even going to state where I am on this right now. I am learning alot though and have been especially enlightened by interviewing divorcees on their experience. Wow, definitely heart wrenching stuff. I'm sure pretty much all of us have been affected by some way as either ourselves, family, friends, or colleagues have gone through it.
There are many competing views on this subject but I found it helpful to read a paper that said that most views fall within these four:
(1) No divorce or remarriage.
(2) Divorce but not remarriage.
(3) Divorce and remarriage for adultery or desertion.
(4) Divorce and remarriage under a variety of circumstances.
I'm curious to know where other people stand on these things:
Testing
3 weeks ago
9 comments:
When I was a kid, I always kind of assumed that most kids came from a two-parent, original-marriage family. Now when I do youth work, I find it safer to assume kids come from a divorced/single parent family first. Maybe I was just naive as a kid, but it's still kind of sad.
Jay
Yes, Jay, very sad. Somehow we need to help families stay together.
Regarding the poll, I thought about it after and I wondered where "abuse" as a justification for divorce would fit in?
In my recent study of covenant, Craig Hill (The Blood Covenant) had some very interesting teaching on the "infamous" Matthew 19 passage on divorce. I found myself liking his view, but I'd never heard that passage interpreted like that before...I'm wondering if your digging discovered anything similar. If I can summarize - he indicated that the 'unfaithfulness' vs 9 was a provision for cases of premarital unfaithfulness only and not extramarital.
We know God hates divorce and has set up marraige to imitate all sorts of really good spiritual concepts. I get that divorce happens, and it's not always a choice for everyone involved, but remarraige? I don't get where the Bible approves that. Isn't God a big (well, the biggest!) promoter of reconciliation and forgiveness?
I divorced my first husband because he was abusive. If I had been following the Bible, from my interpretation of it, I could have left, but I shouldn't have divorced him. I should have stayed married to him until he dies. If he chose to divorce me, I should have stayed single until he died, thus keeping myself pure. Did I do that? Nope. I didn't. I remarried to a wonderful guy and now have two children. I believe that God had His hand in my second marriage. He performed what I can only describe as miracles to get us to the alter and continues to perform miracles in our relationship everyday. Do I believe that God forgave me for leaving my first husband? Yes I do. We don't always follow the path God wants us to take. Looking back now, I don't believe He wanted me to marry that man in the first place...but I did, I took a vow and I should have kept it. However when I didn't, He forgave me and I have a life now that is filled with Him. I think it's really hard for people who've never been through divorce or a really bad relationship to know what it's like when you're in that situation. Sometimes you just can't see another way out of the misery you're living in. As for remarriage, when you've come out of a bad relationship, you're desperate to find a good relationship as a way to validate yourself...to say, "I'm not such a bad person". Often remarriage happens quickly after divorce because you've found someone to validate you as a person, a friend, and a lover and you want to hang onto that feeling. To answer your question Julie, I believe that I've read somewhere in the Bible (I'd have to look to find out the exact passage) that if your spouse commits adultery, you can divorce and remarry. However, I don't recall seeing remarriage after divorce anywhere else in the Bible. Anyway, enough of my ranting. I'm a little touchy on this subject just cause I've gone through it. It's a tough situation for everyone involved.
Michele
I really don't "believe" in divorce for most of the reasons people seek them today. However, I think abuse whether it be physical or emotional, drug or alcohol that results in detriment to the family, and infidlity are grounds for divorce. I'm not saying those are automatic. I think each person needs to decide for him/herself for example if he/she could forgive a cheating spouse and move on or not. I certainly wouldn't fault someone for leaving a cheater. I don't condone people who just can't work it out and then seek to remarry. More often than not those marriages too end in divorce. We live in a morally loose society that has deemed everything under the sun acceptable grounds for divorce. The sanctity of marriage has been made a mockery of by this behavior. I wouldn't leave my husband just because the going gets rough or I'm fed up with him. I make a conscious choice everyday to love him. Some days that is easier than others.
Les McFall has an interested way to deal with the exception clause in Matthew 19:9. He has written a 43 page paper that reviews the changes in the Greek made by Erasmus that effect the way Matthew 19:9 has been translated. I reviewed McFall's paper at Except For Fornication Clause of Matthew 19:9. I would love to hear some feedback on this position.
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