Monday, September 10, 2007

Becoming "Just Roomates"

While on our Anniversary trip, we watched a movie one night called "Premonition." Sandra Bullock plays a housewife who imagines one day that her husband has been killed - or did it really happen? Anyway, I won't give away the movie, suffice it to say that it's a good show that keeps you guessing til the end. In one part of it, Sandra Bullock's character tells her best friend that her and her husband have been living as roomates, not as spouses. I'm not sure why but this hit me hard and made me very sad. I'm a huge fan of marriage - I believe it is the most beautiful relationship there is; the vital building block of civilization. I also believe that the Divine is reflected in it. So when I think of marriages where people just live as roomates it makes me so very sad - it's a tragedy. What should be essential and fantastic is robbed of its life changing power . . . and replaced with being merely "roomates" and having a hollow shell of a relationship

It's also scary because I know people who have become just roomates with their spouses. It is incredibly painful to them. And don't get me started on the effect that it has on their children. Children get so much security from parents who love each other that it's not even funny. Children know when things between mom and dad aren't good. And it effects them terribly.

I also feel it's scary because "becoming just roomates" can happen to anyone; it could happen to me. If I neglect the relationship with my Jobina, if I allow life and all its busyness to take the place of connecting with my wife, if I stop working at my marriage relationship - it will happen to me too. And to you! I implore you - no, I beg you. If you are going down the road to becoming just roomates, stop it. Fight for your relationship! Put the energy in! Challenge the status quo! Get help from outside if you must, but don't let it happen to you. Too much is at stake.

In marriage, couples can fall into this horrible place where both people are unhappy but they don't do anything about it. They don't say anything. They don't want to rock the boat, even if they are dying inside. Rock the boat. Rock it today. There is always hope, even if you can't see it. As you can tell, I'm pretty passionate about this stuff. After I become a counselor, if I can help save even one marriage, I will feel like I have changed the world.

May Light increase!


Warren said...

Hey, great post Mark. I couldn't agree with you more. I feel so blessed to have a spectacular marriage, and we both try to make concerted efforts to keep it that way.

Rayna said...

Good stuff Mark! Thanks for the reminder.