Here's a question for you: How many Christ followers (under the age of 30) do you know who did not have sex before marriage? Most evangelicals agree that Christians are supposed to wait until marriage before engaging in sexual relations but statistically those who call themselves Christians are having sex at about the same rate as unbelievers (most just usually wait longer). As a former youth pastor, I know that sexual temptation is one of the biggest temptations students will face. Is the church naively assuming that most Christians are obeying the admonition to be pure? Newsflash: they aren't. Not most of them anyway.
The problem is getting worse. It seems to me that if you would ask most 20-30 year old youth pastors if they stayed pure with their spouse before getting married, most of them would say no. Of these lots (and I've spoken to many) do do not feel they have the moral ground to really challenge their youth to purity since they did not experience victory themselves. When you don't believe something is really possible (purity) it's pretty hard to teach/admonish it with real conviction. Students can sense this. Students are then receiving a double message; "be pure" (loud message) and "it's not possible" (subtle message). Combine this with a general acceptance of sexually explicit media and a later average marrying age and you can see why today's students are going to have an extremely difficult time embracing and maintaining purity.
So there you have it; a Christian theology of sex that is mostly not applied. What's the solution? Either we change our theology (sex or 'some sex' before marriage is OK) or we start practicing what we preach. I have heard proponents of both, although how to achieve the latter seems to be anyone's guess (little seems to be working right now). What do you think?
May Light increase!
Church service at Holy Church near Rescue 1
4 weeks ago
5 comments:
I think that those of us who have had sex before marriage feel some regret for doing it. I think that if we are honest with our youth about how premarital sex impacted our lives, they might listen. Then again, they might not. But at least we would be stating the truth.
Having premarital sex is a gamble. What if you don't marry that person? What if they've slept with other people before you? What if you catch a disease? What if your partner is comparing you to someone else they slept with? Not to mention the fact that God calls us to be pure until we are married and having premarital sex means we have sinned against God. We looked at Him and thumbed up our noses and said, "Our way is better". It's not better. God has reasons for asking us to remain pure until marriage. It's not "old fashioned" as some teens put it, it's smart. Take it from someone who thumbed up her nose...
Love you,
Michele
i kno that i havent had sex b4 marriage and i dont want 2
Every time I walk by the high school to pick up Calvin from Kindergarten with my wagon full of kids, I just want to yell:
"Look, this is what happens when you have sex!!!!! Wait!!!"
I can't believe we should change our theology on this, I guess those of us that have waited need to be explicitly clear with those in our lives that it is possible and we're not even superhuman.
I'm so glad we waited.
Jacquie
Thanks everyone for your comments so far; authenticity in this generation is one of the keys for sexual success in the next generation I think.
After I showed my post to Jobina last night she told me that she wondered what someone who had been sexual before marriage might feel like after reading this. Please be assured that I am not trying to either a. make Christ-followers feel guilty about their past or b. try to show everyone how much better sex is if you wait (though I believe this is true). Mostly I'm trying to highlight an inconsistency in theology and practice. Yes, it is frustrating to me! I do worry that Christians are beginning to accept more of a "worldly" view of sex then a Bible centered one. Most of the unbelievers I talk to have what I would call a low view of sex - there is nothing really special or amazing about it. Biblical sex seems to me to be a high view; high expectations for pleasure and intimacy in a committed married relationship where sex is seen as satisfying and important. I could go on and on about this, so maybe I'd better stop now . . .
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