On Being Challenged: Part 1

How good are you with people challenging your opinions? I was thinking about this the other day because sometimes when I disagree with someone they can get quite disturbed by it. This brings me to the conclusion that a. I can sometimes be insensitive in how I share my opinions and b. some people do not know how to handle it if someone disagrees with them.

Put the question to yourself. Why do you get upset with someone if they disagree with you? Here are some of my ideas, some of which are based on my own experiences:

1. The topic is something I'm passionate about.
2. In order for my self esteem to be OK, people need to agree with me.
3. I don't know how to be in comfortable relationship with someone I disagree with.
4. The person comes across rudely. Perhaps they are too forceful, I felt too much pressure to not just hear their opinion but accept it myself. Or possibly their words are laced with sarcasm, double meanings, etc. Or maybe it is the tone of their voice that bothers me (know-it-all, egotistical, authoritarian, angry, condescending).
5. Secretly, I may know that their opinion could have validity and thus make my opinion incorrect. If I'm wrong, that makes me feel bad.

Notice we usually blame the other person? How often do we see our annoyance at being challenged as our own issue?

I like to debate things and throw out ideas for others to test them. Really, that is one of the main purposes of this blog. A little while ago I made a post inviting feedback on my site. If you read some of the comments it's interesting to note that some people were surprised that I would actually put myself into such a vulnerable position; inviting people to tell me what they don't like. It actually wasn't that bad! After all, what's the worst that can happen? By soliciting feedback I put myself in a position to learn new things and grow. And I can always disagree. Or ask follow-up questions. Or challenge the challenger. Either way, when done respectfully, it almost always results in good. If someone can never disagree with you then you are (in my opinion) unteachable and that is a very scary thing!

To me, a sign of good relationship is not the absence of disagreement. Instead it is a relationship where all parties can share their opinions honestly, openly, and respectfully - being free to disagree with each other. When done respectfully, the disagreements can be worked through and everyone benefits.

At least that's my opinion. Of course you are welcome to disagree with me.
:)

May Light increase!