"Like an earring of gold or an ornament of fine gold is a wise man's rebuke to a listening ear."
-Proverbs 25:12
If you could choose between being carefully rebuked/challenged by someone wiser then you or not being rebuked/challenged but reaping the negative consequences of your actions, what would you choose? Probably most of us would say we'd rather be rebuked or challenged. Why then do we usually take so much offense when it happens?
Working as waiter I've seen my share of angry, irrational guests. I find that once a guest gets upset, the average server will disconnect from anything the guest was upset about. Suddenly the guest is deemed "crazy" and their original complaint (no matter how justified it was) is forgotten. I think we all do this; we don't like how the message is told to us, so we write off the message (and often the messenger).
It takes a lot of humility to listen to a rebuke or challenge and honestly weigh it to see if some or all of it is true. When it comes to leadership this is so important. I can think of times at camp where I sat and listened to a staff member point out the errors in my judgment and I was able to overcome my annoyance that they were disagreeing with me and hear the wisdom they were offering. I also grimly remember times as a youth pastor shrugging off some of the concerns of parents about our program vision, choosing not to consider their thoughts because I was so convinced I knew what was best (which I didn't by the way!).
Today is Thanksgiving Sunday, I suggest being thankful to those who disagree with you and have the guts to share it (when was the last time you thanked God for that?). Whether you agree with them or not, they are at the least testing your ability to be challenged.
Proverbs 12:1 says "Whoever loves correction loves knowledge, But he who hates reproof is stupid." I'm certainly not there yet, but at least I have my goal. May we all be known as those who are open to correction, feedback, and challenge. Not sure if you are? Ask the people close to you to rate your openness to feedback on a scale of 1 to 10. If they seem very reluctant to give you an answer, you know you've got work to do!
May Light increase!
Testing
2 weeks ago
3 comments:
Do you think its interesting that you've received no comments on this topic?
Personally, conflict/disagreement makes me feel uncomfortable I would go so far as to avoid it completely. Also, if I felt passionate about it, my conflict avoidance may give way for "justice."(aka the truth). But if all that takes too much work, I just surround myself with people who I can share similar ideologies with and avoid those I can't. How's that for an honest answer?
Oh yah, I think people don't disagree with me (in general), cause they know I can't handle it.
What a superficial way to live, huh? I want to want to be teachable.
I really liked thinking about what you wrote Mark!
Jacquie
Thanks for your comments Jacquie. I too feel discomfort over conflict (I think everybody does) and yet I am more uncomfortable with avoiding conflict! Too many people fall into the trap of believing that disagreement equals conflict. It doesn't have to. My friend Dylan and I disagree on almost everything, yet we rarely have conflict. Why? Because we are both OK with disagreeing with each other. We know that even if we disagree we still respect the other person and their crazy ideas. We also make it a point to note when we do agree with each other.
When I hired leadership positions for camp one of my first questions to staff references was "are they teachable?" Character, chemistry, and competency (the three C's) are all important, but teachability is primary. When we lose this we have nothing left.
Good post. I definitely hate confrontation, and will avoid it..I know that's not a good thing. Funny thing is, often I think my point of view is 'right', when in reality, it's just MY point of view!I am learning to accept others' ideas, but not always an easy thing to do.
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