Inadequate Words

Heads up: this post is going to be a little rambling. Last night I had a very difficult conversation. A dear friend of my family is dying. I haven't seen this man in several years but we recently found out that according to the doctors he doesn't have much time to live. My mom called me and told me that she talked with him over the phone (he's in a hospital in another province) and that she had mentioned my brother and I to him. She told me he'd probably appreciate a call from me and asked me if I'd call him. To be honest, I really didn't want to. Comforting people in their pain is one thing, but what do you say to someone who has recently been told their time here on Earth is coming to an end (possibly in three weeks)? What does that conversation sound like? Should I encourage them, cry with them, distract them, counsel them, etc? I'm sure most people know what to say and how to say but it is not always instinctual for me. I approached the hour to call with some fear and dread.

But I called. And I'm glad I did. It was an awkward conversation, calling someone I haven't talked to in years in the twilight of their life but I did it. The man was lucid and though his voice had the telltale tones of medication and weariness bring we were able to talk. We chatted, we laughed (this guy still has an amazing sense of humor), we were silent, and then I said goodbye. Maybe for the last time. I was reminded about how precious life is and how I need to learn to be comfortable with both the healthy and those who aren't. Suffering is a part of life and being with someone, even briefly, as they go through it is true reality. I don't want to run or hide from it. Neither do I wish to fixate on it. Instead I want to give death and suffering it's proper place in my life - whatever that is. I also want to pray for those who need miracles.

I've been asking myself the past few months; how long do you in faith pray for someone who is dying? Is it ever acceptable to give up praying for a miracle and pray for other things instead? Is it lack of faith if our resolve to pray for total healing falters? Perhaps it is different for everyone. For myself, I am taking David as my example (praying for the life of his son with Bathsheba). I want to pray and entreat God until the moment that person is gone (or is healed). This is reality to me - there is blessing and suffering in this world - lots of both. God is sovereign, he will do as he sees fit (and somehow this is just and loving) - but I will pray for miracles as long as some are possible. Of course I will also pray for peace, acceptance, etc as well even though these things seem contrary to faith that someone can be healed. I guess the truth is that I'm praying because there is nothing else I can do - and I'm praying to remind myself that God is good in a sin-stained world. And I pray, believing that God can do a miracle - and trusting him in a rough situation. I have seen miracles and they are awesome. God, please bless me with faith - I need so much more of it.

P.S. The image above is a painting by Erika Hastings called "Support."